Reflections

Hot off the press: I've moved!

2011-11-28T23:10:00.001-08:00

Happy Monday! Hope you all had a meaningful and enjoyable Thanksgiving!

I wanted to let you know that I'm now blogging at www.bexmann.net.

I'd hate to lose you, so don't forget to update your Google Reader or Bloglovin' settings to reflect this change.

My blog is in the process of getting a little face-lift, so thanks for your patience as she changes both slightly and significantly in these next few weeks.

Speaking of blog addresses, which blogs do you absolutely love to read? Do share! I'm looking for some fun new subscriptions.

Snapshots: First Month

2011-11-19T12:35:00.000-08:00

November tenth marked one month in our new Washington home. Like I've mentioned before, things are surprisingly smooth and we are settling into good rhythms at work and at home, individually and as a family. Here is a quick snapshot of our first month:

First, we had to say some very painful good-byes. Over a dozen friends pitched in on October 10th to help us load up the U-haul. The drive out of Salem was filled with lots of tears.

Then, came this welcome sign! Josh nearly drove his car off the road as he pulled into the church office for the first time.

Poor Mercy Girl had been sick for two weeks and the virus only seemed to worsen. With no Primary Care doctor established in our new city, we ended up taking two trips to the Children's Urgent Care.

The beautiful view on the bridge connecting where we live to the island where the church is located. Not a bad commute, eh?

A week into our new life in a new place, I was feeling the blues in a big way. To beat the blues, or at least distract ourselves from them, we decided to take a day trip to Seattle and visit some of our favorite places. Green Lake is like Heaven on earth in my book. It was Mercy's very first time in my favorite city. And look, the sun was out!

After a beautiful, long walk we made our way to the pier for fish and chips at Ivar's.

Mercy was really digging the chowder. This girl can put food away. Just like her Mama.

Right down the street from our place is a huge farm stand open every single day! Besides corn, apples, potatoes and squash, it was filled with caramel apples, pumpkins, apple cider... all the fall goodies. It re-opens today with Christmas trees, holly and mistletoe, wreaths and the like.

'Tis the season!

This family photo was captured on Josh's Installation Sunday. A meaningful, sacred service to sort of pass the mantle of leadership, authority and responsibility to Josh as the new Lead Pastor. It had a very palpable, very spiritual Rite of Passage feel and it is something we will always remember. This photo was taken after the service, reception, lunch, nap, dinner, tour of our city and dessert... We are horrible at taking family photos on special days (like on Mercy's first birthday, her dedication, etc.), so while isn't the best at least it's in the books!

Another Monday, another sunny day in Seattle! We spent this trip on Queen Anne Hill near Seattle Pacific University. We enjoyed pumpkin bagels from Noah's, vanilla lattes from Cafe Ladro, and a lovely stroll all around the quaint, cozy neighborhood.

Happy Halloween! Mercy was the most adorable Zebra. We took a trip to the Harbor where thousands of families gathered to trick-or-treat from local, small businesses.

Our forest-like backyard; home to toads, owls and deer. The guy pictured above was literally peering through our sliding glass doors one afternoon, kind of wondering who the new kids in town were, like he'd been here before and was just checking things out.

Though Mercy is the happiest ~~baby~~ toddler around, she is also one of the busiest, constantly in motion. This makes it hard to capture her smile in pictures. Got one here, sort of. I also love her curls in this photo.

In our first month, we celebrated Mercy's first Referralversary and her 15-month birthday.

Time is flying by. We are especially enjoying this time with Mercy before her bro or sis arrives this spring. Please also note her cute, Felicity the Fox T-shirt in honor of her new church (courtesy of B. Childrenswear).

Even with all the good times and friendly folks, we still miss our friends and family. Mercy studies this picture of her best friends, Nyah and Haakon Williams, every single day. We get it, Boo! We miss them, too!

Just for kicks, this is the face Mercy makes when you ask her to how blow out a candle or cool down hot food. Adorable.

We are now well into our second month in Washington (and into the second trimester as well). We're excited to experience all this month holds. I'll be back to share it with you in mid-December!

First Referralversary

2011-11-09T22:53:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning brimming with pure joy remembering November 9, 2010.

One year ago today Josh and I finally received the phone call we had been waiting for, bringing us good news of our first baby. At this time last year, we had been on the waiting list for six months, three weeks and four days. We hadn't listed a gender preference, only that we desired a baby.

The day of The Call, Josh was in Seattle at a preaching conference and I was at work, home for lunch when our Adoption Program Director called first. What ensued for the next nearly two hours was a lot of phone calls, dropped calls, missed calls and waiting...waiting...waiting to see our baby's face for the first time. Josh promptly left his conference after receiving the call from Dove that we had a three month old daughter, borrowing someone's car to head to Starbucks to use the wi-fi to open her pictures. It was a whirlwind afternoon. And then I had to go about the next day pretending my whole life hadn't changed as I waited for Josh to get home late that night. Brutal!

Above is a raw, unedited video of Josh and I sharing a screen and reading through our referral email, before finally seeing her photo for the very first time. It gets good at around 2:15, so please feel free to skip the random, scattered beginning. Disclaimer: the audio is wonky and we weren't at all in a "Let's make an epic video" mindset, we simply knew we would want to re-live this experience again and again, and eventually show Mercy what it was like for old Mom and Dad when we heard the news we'd been matched with her.

Below is the very first picture of our daughter that I ever saw. I fell in love instantly. Click on the following links to see my blog post announcing our referral and the video I made while I was waiting for Josh to get to his computer.

Mercy's referral picture (actually taken Sept. 28 2010).

Mercy on Thanksgiving Day 2010. It just so happened our dear friends were headed to Ethiopia to bring home their twin girls right after we received our referral. They had the joy of visiting Mercy, praying for her, holding her and getting her hand prints for us. Such a gift!

Only days after our friends sent us their photos of Mercy, we received another update from our agency. Although we were sent two new pictures each month (December, January and February), this one is our absolute favorite. Mercy is nearly four months old in this photo.

Mercy Michael Fikir Mann sweet as can be at fifteen months.

Three months after receiving our referral we were packing the last of our bags, bound for Ethiopia to meet Mercy, attend our court appointment, bring Mercy into our arms forever, and finalize the adoption through the U.S. Embassy in Addis Aabba. Five months after receiving our referral we were home at last with our first baby girl. It's been nine months since Mercy became a Mann. But today we celebrate our Referral. What a gift this year has been to us. We are thankful. Our family will celebrate always November 9.

Our Family is Growing

2011-11-03T13:26:00.000-07:00

I'm twelve weeks pregnant, incredibly thankful and completely overjoyed.

This news came as a big surprise in mid-September as we were fully engrossed in our upcoming move. The day after we announced our resignation and transition to the church staff, I took a test. Positive. We were both in shock. I was cautiously hopeful.

The morning of my very last day of work at the church, at seven and a half weeks pregnant, I had an ultrasound and we experienced the gift of seeing the baby's beating heart. In early 2009 I wrote a post about my ultrasound history, one that made this particular visit especially meaningful. LastFriday, at eleven weeks, we heard his heartbeat loud and clear. Today at twelve weeks I finally feel able to enter into the celebration of this news and ready to receive this gift from God.

Josh and I are thankful for God's presence with us four years ago as we ached and waited and wondered after a painful miscarriage. We are thankful for His gentleness as he prompted us to release the pursuit of a biological baby when it became an idol. We are thankful for His voice two and a half years ago as he spoke prophetic promise over us in the midst of a healing season marked by movement from fear to faith. We are thankful for God's goodness as He revealed His plan for our family meant adopting our first baby, not our last as originally planned. We are thankful for God's merciful sovereignty, matching us with and giving us the joy of being Mercy Michael Fikir Mann's mom and dad (or her "De-De", as she calls both of us). There are no words to articulate how profoundly significant and overwhelmingly sacred it was to have our beloved first-born daughter with us at the ultrasound.

By God's grace, we will welcome Mercy's little brother or sister to the world in the middle of May, about two and a half months shy of her second birthday.

We know many of you have prayed for us continuously; from miscarriage to infertility, from grief to healing, and then to hope and the gift of adoption, from paperwork to referral, and from homecoming to moving away. Lots of you have prayed not just for favorable outcomes, but that we would grow and be transformed along the way. Thank you.

I am also aware that many of you are longing, praying, trusting, waiting, hoping and wondering how your family story will be written. You are on my mind and in my prayers every day. Truly.

Alive and Well

2011-10-29T12:51:00.000-07:00

I said I would post regularly and I have not posted once since moving nearly three weeks ago. We have enjoyed so many new experiences and met so many new friendly people.... I don't even know where to begin, but I know that I've got to start somewhere. The main thing is this: we are alive and well.

Two weeks ago, before heading to our new church for the first time, I wrote a long post reflecting on our first week in town. I got about ninety percent done and then got stuck, unable to finish it, unable to wrap it up neatly enough to leave it alone. I've looked back on it and although it was a true reflection of that day, it's not where I am today. I hope to finish it and post it at some point. For now it sits and waits.

Life in our new city has gone better than I expected. Truly. I actually like it here! It's not at all the same as life back home but I've felt free from comparisons and able to simply enjoy this season in this specific location for what it is. And what it is is beginning to sound good. We've always known it was right. But now it's starting to feel right, too. Feelings aren't everything, but I guess what I'm saying is God has given us the blessing of clear confirmation (in big, sweeping ways and in small, meaningful ways) that we are where he wants us to be. What more can we ask for?

We've enjoyed two day trips to Seattle, endured two long visits to Urgent care, and encountered the warmth of our new church body welcoming our little family. Mercy and I have embarked on BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers), library story-time and long walks on new trails. We've explored new restaurants, coffee shops and grocery stores. We've eaten in lots of new homes, around tables filled with delicious food and rich stories.

Exploring, enjoying, experiencing, embarking, encountering and even enduring are all parts of this new season to our story. I anticipate a meaningful season here in Washington, both for our family and for me personally. Certainly we will be different people because of this place. Our choice is to lean-in, to listen well, to respond with humility and trust, allowing God's story in our lives to unfold with Him at the helm and without our resistance or reluctance.

We're off to a good start, but we are well aware of our constant dependence on Him. We are also increasingly thankful for the significant relationships we made in Oregon and how those friendships were used by God to shape and prepare us, grow and challenge us. So to those of you back home, thank you.

Mercy is down for a nap, Josh is at the church and I hear college football and the newest issue of Real Simple calling my name. Happy weekend!

P.S. Pictures next time!

Growing Bear

2011-10-02T13:07:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted pictures of Mercy Bear. She is growing up so fast; 14 months yesterday! Enjoy these snapshots:

Enjoying a Starbucks treat after visiting Fox Island

Practicing walking (which she has now mastered!) Cute bum, too.

From the hair, to the facial expression, to the onesie from her Aunt and Uncle Junior Mann, I love everything about this photo.

When I see this pictures, I see more "toddler" and less "baby".

The whole shebang (completed wedding video)

2011-09-18T19:19:00.000-07:00

Poole Wedding from natebaston on Vimeo.

I cannot get enough of this! What a truly breath-taking event captured in this video. My sister was STUNNING. And didn't Nate capture some adorable Mercy footage?!

I will forever treasure my sister's wedding day as a uniquely sweet moment for my family of origin; I believe it was the last time we were all together before everyone started moving away. Most recently Liz and her new husband, Brent moved to Bend, OR. That's not so far from where we live now, but it is still the first time she has moved away. I'm truly so lucky to have had her in town during her college years. I miss her already. Neither of my brothers is living in town and in just three weeks Josh, Mercy and I head north to Washington. I feel spoiled to have enjoyed so many years living in the same town as my parents and three siblings. None of us would have predicted that ten years ago, so I will always remember the true joy it was to meet for dinner last minute, attend holiday church services together, snag the best (free) babysitting for Mercy and just generally enjoy the reality that family was only a few minutes away.

On saying yes when He leads and what that means for us now

2011-09-17T18:23:00.000-07:00

I have always wondered what the story would be surrounding our departure from our home church (and consequently, from this city altogether) and truly, I prayed that the day would never arrive. I dreamed and hoped I would be called to continue serving in a place, on a team and with a church family I so dearly love for decades to come. But the Author of my story has made evident a new chapter, and so it is with deep sadness and humble obedience that Josh, Mercy and I share the news that we are moving on to a new ministry adventure.

As the story goes Josh and I were heading out the door to celebrate six years of marriage when an email came through from a CMA church in our district. The Search Committee was interested in exploring with Josh the possibility of him being their next Lead Pastor. We didn’t see this coming. At all. We were happily home with Mercy; finally a family of three after years of waiting and trusting. We were fully engaged on our teams, using our gifts in our respective positions to bring the kingdom of God to the city of Salem and to the ends of the earth. We were serving and worshiping and growing at a church we loved, under leadership we respected, with people and pastors we wanted to continue learning from and developing under. Our friendships had never been deeper or richer. Our marriage had never been stronger or sweeter.

Initially, Josh and I shrugged off this opportunity. We wanted to stay here. And yet if we were honest with each other and ourselves we knew we couldn’t ignore this conversation. Although in recent years we had explored several different ministry opportunities such as serving as missionaries in China and church planting, we had returned from Ethiopia with a sense that we were entering a season of change. It wasn’t any clearer than that to me, but it was a distinct shift in my spirit I couldn’t shake. I’d thought arriving back home with our baby would usher in a season of contentment as we settled in to being parents surrounded by our loving and supportive community, but this settled sense never came. All that to say, when this church contacted us, seemingly out of nowhere, we felt it wise to pay attention, to lean in one step at a time, to allow God to unveil his will for us, even if the change he had been preparing us for meant a move away from everything we knew and loved.

Throughout the next seven weeks God clearly opened one door at a time for us to walk through. He gave us just enough peace and clarity to take the next step. We could never see the whole way out, but we could always see just enough to keep moving, hearing just enough of His whisper to know he was with us. Some days this was exhilarating. Most days this was exhausting. We grieved and dreamed at the same time. We kept asking Jesus to help us, to show us the way we should go, to be with us, to reveal himself to us. And he kept doing just that.

And now, skipping a million details and emotions between then and today, I find myself resigning, after five incredible years, from a church and a team where I had hoped I was only just getting started. God has been absolutely generous to me during my years on staff. He has done exponentially more in me than he has done through me. He has used this place, my team, my supervisors and mentors to heal me, redeem me, speak promise over me, grow and shape me, call out of me what I had previously only wished was within me. I am a most certainly closer to being the person Christ has made me to be because of my years on staff and decades worshiping at my home church. I wouldn’t trade these years for anything in the world.

Josh and I have been unbelievably blessed to both be on staff, serving in separate roles specific to our gifting and passion areas. With that said I feel it is important to note the following: My first allegiance is to Jesus, who has never let me down, never let me go, and never used my pain for anything other than his redeeming purposes. My second allegiance is to my husband, who I am deeply thankful for and proud of. I trust him and believe in him. For my sake, and maybe yours, it is important for me to clearly state that I voluntarily and willingly release my vocational ministry role in this season to support and align myself with my gifted husband as he follows God’s call on his life to be the Lead Pastor at our new church.

I believe in this season Jesus is asking me to let go of how I have envisioned my life and ministry calling playing out to allow myself to be sensitive and poised to receive from him what is next for me. As painful as it is to resign from a role I love and step into a season of relative unknowns, I feel certain this is what God is calling me to right now. When I made the decision to follow Jesus all those decades ago, I committed to surrender the plans and preferences I saw from my perspective for the greater, sweeter, better plans God was working together for his glory and my good. Sometimes we must simply trust that what he can see from His perspective is so much better than what we can see from where we sit. This is one of those times.

Jesus gave humans “The Super Power of Choice”, as Josh so aptly puts it for his students, which means that we always have the choice to say yes or no to his leading. Part of becoming more and more like him and aligned with his best for us is to choose more and more “Yes’s” when he leads. I trust that Jesus works all things together for our good, according to his plans and purposes. I trust that he is calling all three of us to Fox Island, that he will write a meaningful chapter for Mercy, Josh and me, even though Josh’s role is most clearly defined.

If you ask me how I feel about leaving the church I’ve been at since I was born, I couldn’t articulate it clearly. If you ask me how I feel about being a Lead Pastor’s wife, I couldn’t tell you. If you ask me how I feel about leaving vocational ministry indefinitely, I’d mumble something unintelligible. If you ask me how I feel about leaving our best friends, our family, our adoption community, the place and people who helped us bring Mercy home, I’d probably just stare off into space. But if you ask me if I believe this to be the right step for us to take, I would say, “Yes. Absolutely.” I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what God is calling us to. I know he gives us the freedom of choice to say yes or no to his leading. So with deep sadness and humble obedience I say, “Yes. Absolutely.”

Breath Prayers

2011-09-14T07:13:00.000-07:00

I walked in the door from a full and wonderful day at 7pm last night. I sat down on the couch to catch-up with Josh and realized in mere minutes I was toast. I didn't have any more words or energy or positive productivity left. Sometimes when I hit that wall I turn on the TV and wander to the kitchen every twelve minutes looking for a snack. Last night I decided to hop in the shower, make some popcorn and crawl into bed with a book, reading until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. After twenty minutes I flung my Kindle on the nightstand and reached for the lamp switch with my eyes still closed, hoping not to lose that sweet, delirious feeling of drifting off to sleep.

It was cool and dark out. The house the quiet. I had showered away my worries and allowed the gift of fiction to transport my mind and imagination somewhere else. I could face tomorrow's questions and emotions and to-do's, tomorrow. I felt empowered by my choice to say, "I've given all I have, I've done all I can do, I'm satisfied with my work. The best thing I can do now for myself and those I live with, love and work with is call it a day and start fresh tomorrow." I was living within my limits, just as I've wanted to do.

I had all the ingredients for a long and blissful night sleep, but sleep escaped me. For what felt like forever I laid still in the dark somewhere between dreaming and thinking. I was still cozy and drowsy, but I was no longer moving toward REM sleep, I was moving toward anxious analytical thought. The cozy became hot and claustrophobic. The dream-like thinking became overwhelming, swirling thoughts about what today would bring to me, ask of me, call out of me. And although I fell asleep within minutes of my husband getting into bed (he makes me feel safe and settled), I tossed and turned in the early morning hours, wearily getting up for good just after 4:30am.

I turned the coffeemaker from its 5:45am auto-brew setting to plain, old brew. I grabbed a sweatshirt, my Kindle and sat down at my desk. This isn't how I wanted today to begin. Today is a big day on several fronts and I have found myself anticipating today as being hard, emotional and exhausting. It may not end up feeling that way, but when I've thought about the doors I need to walk through those are the words that come to mind.

Over the past couple of years the practice of "breath prayers" has become more and more central to my daily life. Although I carve out quiet time with Jesus in the morning there is something about calling out to him through short, repetitious prayers all through the day that strengthens my soul and reminds me I am connected to him and made to live in constant communication with the Father. Some examples of these prayers for are, " Help me, Lord.", "Have mercy on me.", "Give me strength". Others are bits and pieces of scripture (one reason why He tells us to hide His Word in our hearts) prayed as personal declarations or pleas for guidance. These breath prayers steady me, focus my thoughts, and put the weight of decisions and emotions back on the Savior who walks with me, carries my burdens, and holds the world together in His hands.

I don't often intentionally, purposefully "pick" the words for these breath prayers. They sort of arise from the circumstances of that season. They sometimes come from him as he prompts me to call on him, rest in him, and keep my mind focused on him. In this season my breath prayer has been, "Jesus, Savior, Pilot me." These words come from a very old song I heard for the first time last year as I perused the Internet looking for readings and videos by Shauna Niequist. This hymn was penned in 1871 and is subtitled, "The Sailor's Hymn".

As I watched and re-watched video and listened to the words, my soul was soothed (last year at this time were waiting for our referral of "Baby Fatty"). This hymn has powerful words and is sung like a lullaby, refreshing and steadying my mind and heart. This video is unique because right in the middle Shauna comes out to read from a chapter in her book, Bittersweet and her words perfectly compliment the song. This morning I listened to this again and again, in the quiet stillness of the morning. "Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me" remains my breath prayer for today.

Jesus Saviour Pilot Me live at Willow Creek - Shauna Niequist and Becky Johnson from Shauna Niequist on Vimeo.

"... We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8

Book List. Part 2.

2011-09-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I shared the list of book I've recently read and I'm back today with a list of books currently sitting in my Kindle Qeue. But what about you? Do you enjoy reading? Hate it? Can't find the time for it? And, what are you reading? What are you planning to read next? What has been your favorite book this summer? Have you read any of the books I've recently read or am planning to read soon?

Radical Together: Unleashing the People of God for the Purpose of God - David Platt
I really admire young Dr. Platt. His church gets it. They are going for it on so many levels, in so many ways. His book, Radical, is still flying off the shelves. I bought this book for insight, information and inspiration as a staff member at a local church trying to launch thousands of people to serve and love and share Christ with those living right around us.

Generous Justice: How God's Grace Makes Us Just - Tim Keller
Also purchased with my ministry role in mind. A team I'm on at the church read, "When Helping Hurts" together over the summer and this book was recommended for further reading. Tim Keller is a phenomenal communicator. I was enthralled by his teaching on the Prodigal Son at Willow Creek's annual Leadership Summit in the summer of 2009 and then had the privilege of hearing him preach at his church in New York City that fall. Josh and I listened to many of his sermons during Mercy's nap times in Ethiopia and honestly, I'll read anything he ever writes.

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? - Beverly Daniel Tatum, Ph.D.
Recommended by my esteemed brother-in-law who works for Teach For American in Chicago. Apparently this book is read by Teach for America teachers and staff and is basically textbook material. His recommendation was enough for me to pause our conversation and buy this book right then and there on my phone (which I did), but combined with my minority baby and my long-standing interest in racial identity, this book is one I'm really looking forward to starting... right after Friday Night Lights, which actually addresses racial relations as one of the book's primary themes.

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy - Eric Metaxas
Recommended as the one book to read this year by my trusted sister-in-law. She and her husband recommended I buy this in hard copy because it's just the sort of book you want to have on your shelf so you can review your notes and highlighted secions and have at the ready to loan to friends, but I snagged the Kindle edition for $1.99 on Amazon last week.

The Land Between; Finding God in Difficult Transitions - Jeff Manion
I read bits and pieces from this book last year, after Jeff Manion spoke at Willow Creek's annual Leadership Summit, but suffice it so say this book is relevant to my life in a new way and I'm ready to read it cover to cover.

The Language of Flowers - Vanessa Diffenbaugh
Finally more fiction! Recommended by my favorite author, Shauna Niequist, I am chomping at the bit to start some new fiction.

The Sun Also Rises Ernest Hemingway
Haven't read enough by Mr. Hemingway and after reading The Paris Wife I really wanted to dive into more of his writing. This particular book comes highly recommended by many. What is your favorite book by Hemingway?

What are you reading? What are you planning to read next? What has been your favorite book this summer? Have you read any of the books I've recently read or am planning to read soon? Do share!

Book List. Part 1.

2011-09-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

I don't know how it happened exactly, but from a very young age I have loved books. The smell, the feel and the story inside. A home library has been a dream of mine since I got hooked on the American Girl Series as a kid. As an adult reading continues to be one of my favorite free-time activities. As we raise Mercy I keep trying to nail down the ingredients that contributed to my love for books so that we can add them to Mercy's life as well. Here are some of my theories: I had a big imagination. We went to the library all the time and could check out as many books as we wanted. My parents constantly read aloud to me. My parents both love to read. As a first-born with three younger siblings it was an escape from their craziness and noise into a different world. As the first-born in a decently conservative family I wasn't allowed to do nearly the amount of social activities as my young siblings and friends. Therefore I was home a lot more. Therefore I read a lot more. Reading played a big part in my discipleship journey (Two very different authors, actually. Ask me about it sometime). We weren't allowed to watch much TV or many movies. We traveled a lot. We always had quiet time in our rooms on Sunday afternoons (AKA mom and dad need a break). Those are my hunches so far. I'm still working on it.

I'm thankful I grew up with a love for books of all kinds. Reading is an absolutely enriching and relatively inexpensive hobby. You can do it from anywhere and the pool of authors and genres to draw from is never-ending. I wrote from Ethiopia about the books I read during our six week stay (The Help, The American Wife, Half the Sky, Love Wins, Let the Great World Spin, and Operating Instructions) and I'm happy to say that I've actually been able to keep the pace of my vacation reading even since returning home. Reading has been a refreshing and sustainable treat since re-entering my full, fast-paced world as a mother. I'm as committed to before-bed reading as I am to early-morning rising.

I'm always up for great book recommendations from others, so I thought I'd share what I've read since I came home (over five months ago!):

Water for Elephants I thoroughly enjoyed this book because it took me to the unique interesting world of old-time circus. I haven't yet seen the movie, have you? Is it worth it?

The Peach Keeper Pretty good! Light and easy to read. A bit of mystery. A touch of romance. Chick lit for sure.

The Paris Wife A fictional book about Ernest Hemingway's first wife (sort of like how The American Wife is a fictional telling of of Laura Bush's story). I loved this book. I remember feeling about 3/4 of the way through that it was a bit long, but overall I ate it up. I really couldn't read it fast enough.

A Thousand Splendid Suns This amazing book was written by the author of The Kite Runner and is probably my favorite book on this list. Again, this is a foray into a completely different world, which is probably why it fascinated me. Set in Afghanistan, this was both completely enthralling and extremely informational. I learned a lot and truly connected with the characters. I highly recommend this book.

Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation I've struggled with non-fiction since returning home (I mostly read non-fiction pre-Ethiopia. Lots of leadership and spiritual formation books). When I read these days I'm looking to be transported to a new world. Fiction does that. Non-fiction, the kind I usually read, helps me think and grow and change and be challenged. This book landed on my list because a mentoring group I'm in with some young women on our church staff was reading another book by the same author and it really spoke to my soul. This author also came and spoke at our denomination's district-wide Renewal Retreat and was very well received. Based on my last post and the title, I think it's easy to see why I choose this book for this season. The author is a wise woman who speaks from real life experience. Though I read this book painstakingly slow and was tempted to rush through it without absorbing the information, I'm glad I paced myself, allowing for reflection and true application.

Love Walked In More Chick-lit. Not my favorite on this list, but a good, wholesome book with a plot that was sweet and an ending that I could live with. Having recently adopted my heart was soft towards this book's plot. For light and easy summer reading, this book did the trick and I would read more from this author (maybe the next time we take a trip).

The Hunger Games This trilogy was the surprise of the summer! I loved this book. I was reading it every chance I got. I could not put it down. And this genre does not usually appeal to me at all. I haven't read or seen Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings (I know. Calm down). I literally had no idea what this book was about when I bought it. I didn't even know it was a series until about 95% of the way through the book when I realized there was no way this thing could be wrapped up in the remaining 5%. I tutor a couple middle school students in math and reading. I casually mentioned this book to them one day and apparently this book is big with 11-14 year-olds, too. They had already read these books and loved them. Initially I felt weird about being so captivated by the same book my 12-year-old friends were captivated by, but then I got over it. Really fast. Read these!

Catching Fire The second book in The Hunger Games series. My youngest brother and I are probably the most into reading out of the four of us and we had the joy of reading these books at the same time, totally unaware. It was fun talking with him about it (and hearing my sister make fun of me, since I've so arrogantly refused Harry Potter, with which she is obsessed).

Mockingjay The third book in The Hunger Games series was my least favorite by a mile. I felt a bit ripped of, like the publisher necessitated this book to end the series, but mostly as a cash cow. It was slower and covered less ground that the first two books. I had to keep reading to know how everything ended, but when it was all said and done, I was relieved to put this book down.

Friday Night Lights; A Town, a Team and a Dream Everyone and their mom loves the show Friday Night Lights. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law don't even really watch TV and they highly recommended this show to us when we were together on vacation. Everyone everywhere is watching it. Everyone. Well I'm the kind of person who wants to read the book first. I read The Help six months before seeing the movie. I just like the detail a book gives. Movies tend to be rushed and skimpy on the meat, but if the book material was good enough to make a movie from then the book must be a worth the read. That has been my theory. It's worked out very well. Until now. Blindly I bought this book (I just bought the first matching title that came up after my search), knowing Josh and I still had the entire fourth season of The Unit to finish before we would be free to start a new series. I'm 60% done with the book. I've watched one episode of Friday Night Lights. I'm pretty sure they aren't the same thing. Possibly, probably, the show drew deeply from the information and details book, but the book is very heavily anthropological and sociological and historical and just a bit a story about high school football in Odessa, Texas. I keep reading because I bought the book and I can't say it's bad enough to quit. But it's not what I thought it would be, even though a lot of it is actually quite interesting. I could see myself using it for a book review in some high school sociology class. Fun enough to read for school, but not at all as emotionally stimulating and poignantly written as the show. I cannot wait to start watching the show.

What are you reading? What are you planning to read next? What has been your favorite book this summer? Have you read any of the books I've recently read?

My Three Necessary S's

2011-09-08T07:17:00.000-07:00

This morning I was up well before the sun. This, to me, is the very best way to start a day. I've always cherished the early mornings, but before becoming a parent I was not this acutely aware of my need for a steady dose of silence, stillness and solitude. I classified it as a preference, not a necessity. This is probably because I had so much room for it and control over it. If I missed an early morning window, there was always a mid-afternoon window, a early evening window or a late night window, or at least I had the freedom to shuffle things around to make it happen. As I mentioned in my last post, I have lived this recent season with a nagging feeling that I am constantly trying to keep up with myself. I mean, who does this? Who in their right mind would understand this is happening and continue to live like this? I've said more than once, "I refuse to live my life feeling behind and frazzled all the time, continuously chasing myself, constantly trying to catch up, never satisfied with my capacity, never living within my limits". And yet, this is a nagging that has stayed with me for months.

The cure for this largely comes in the form of silence, stillness and solitude. As I (we) learn to live with remarkably less margin and discretionary time, these three S's now come at a premium price, require creative intentionality and do more to refresh my soul than ever. For me, silence is necessary. Solitude is necessary. Stillness is necessary. When I lean into them and allow space for them, my very attitude and outlook changes. My hope is renewed. My spirit is more sensitive to His Spirit. My patience and flexibility are restored. My connection with the Father is strengthened. My tank is filled. My capacity for trust and thankfulness expands. My desire for community and celebration increases.

My best opportunity for embracing these three S's is in the early mornings. It doesn't always happen then, but it's my favorite when it does. In the mornings, I walk down the stairs as quietly as possible and am welcomed by the heavenly aroma of coffee. I sit with a steaming cup in my hand as I watch the darkness turn to morning light. I let my mind drift as I watch cars and buses and pedestrians make their way to work places and schools. I practice simply sitting still. No blogs. No email. No Twitter. No music. No journal. No Bible. No book. No expectations. In this space and time it is enough to be still, to be silent, to be alone. I listen, sip, sit, stare. Eventually I start to pray, but it's more like talking openly and honestly to a friend I trust completely, free from worries about how my words are coming across, or if I'm talking too much. Then I pull out Jesus Calling, read the day's passage once or twice and meditate on the accompanying scripture. God has richly used these words to speak to me, to redirect my fallen mindset, to reassure my anxious spirit, to remind me of my need for him and his love for me.

From today's reading: "I will infuse My strength into you moment by moment, giving you all that you need for this day. Trust Me, by relying on My empowering Presence."
"I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint." Jeremiah 31:25

Silence. Solitude. Stillness. My three necessary S's.

At the end of August

2011-08-31T07:28:00.000-07:00

Back again to check in again and apologize again for disappearing again. I've fallen off the blogging wagon. During the day I think about how little energy I have to organize my thoughts and articulate my life into coherent posts. But during the sacred early morning hours I find myself drawn back to this space that holds many pieces of my story. I feel a yearning to put words to my emotions and experiences, to reflect upon what I've seen, thought, done. Late at night (usually as I read a book) I miss the art of writing; what it does for my head and heart and how it captures, uniquely, the changing seasons of my life.

I wish I could be the sort of person who could promise to write more often and with greater consistency and then stick to it. Right now the list of disciplines implemented and kept is slim. I try to keep it simple so I can make it through the days with relative success. It's redundant to say, "We've been busy", because that always seems to be true. This summer I've felt behind, like I'm constantly trying to keep up with myself. I feel my body is present more places than my mind and soul. As we transition into fall I realize it is time to transition to living within my limits. I can't keep going at this pace and hope to have a healthy soul.

August has been so much fun with Mercy's first birthday, a Mann family vacation to Wisconsin and welcoming home our very best friends from Ethiopia, their two newest babies in tow. Our house is for sale, our ministry roles have kept us on our toes, Mercy is an absolute delight and the three of us have made a tradition out of long walks on early Saturday mornings to Starbucks and the Farmer's Market. It's good to be a family of three. It's been an incredible six months as Mercy's mom; seeing her come alive and bursting with personality is one of the most fulfilling and enjoyable parts to parenthood.

Hope to be back soon! Hope you've all be well!

Most genius invention ever, discovered in a Fred Meyer restroom.

At her one year appointment

Bear with me...

2011-08-03T20:37:00.000-07:00

I only have one sister so bear with me as I continue to be captivated by the loveliness of her and Brent's special day. Check out her wedding photos!

Hope to be back soon with a post about Mercy's first birthday!

Wedding Video Preview

2011-07-29T12:01:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness. My dear sweet friend, Tess (who was one of my bridesmaids back in the day and is the lovely lady in the picture above) sent me the link to Liz and Brent's wedding video. Tessa's boyfriend, Nate Baston, is a stellar videographer who got the whole day recorded forever and ever. Watch this and prepared to get misty eyed! I cannot wait to see the whole thing.

Celebrating Adoption {photo shoot}

2011-07-27T21:58:00.000-07:00

Last fall I was reading one of my favorite blogs (which I began following two years ago, after reading her and her husband's adoption memoir) and the author mentioned this incredible organization called Celebrating Adoption, which provides a complimentary photo shoot to recently adopted children. It's basically a web of photographers all around the country that opt to give this gift to families nearby. I clicked the link on her blog, doubtful there would be anyone doing this in our neck of the woods and was pleasantly surprised to find an incredible photographer right here in town. I made a note to contact her when we returned from Ethiopia...

We arrived home April 1 and after the first fog lifted, before the second heavier fog settled in, I emailed this photographer to see if we could set up a session. Just that morning we had taken Mercy to the middle school youth group so our students could meet the beloved Baby Fatty they'd been so faithfully praying for all these months. Afterward a lovely mom, who has a student in the group, came up to introduce herself and say hi to Mercy. Turns out she was the photographer I would email that same afternoon! It really is a small world after all.

After our schedules and the weather cleared up a bit, we finally landed on a day in May. Mercy was nine and a half months old and of all things, the photo shoot took place exactly four months from the day we first met our baby girl. I love these kinds of details. The photo shoot went well; Daveen was kind and easy-going, but Mercy was a bit baffled as to why Mama and Papa were always standing so far away and calling her name over and over. She just wasn't her usual lively, smiley, happy self. She was reserved, inquisitive and contemplative (slash confused, wiggly, awkward....) and these photos reflect that mood. We love that these capture more than her big grin and draw out more of her beautiful features.

It's been months since the photo shoot and we just recently got back to Daveen (wups). We have been crazy busy and the daunting task of selecting photos was always easily put off until "tomorrow". There were so many breath-taking photos to choose from but in the end we selected them with grandparents in mind, plus a couple for us. We were also surprised with an incredible gift of thoughtfulness and generosity by Daveen's middle school son, Dalton, who wanted to give us a huge (like 16x20) canvas photo of Mercy. Wow. Thanks, Dalton!

Below are a few of the images we selected. We have about forty more at home. And our prints will be ready any day. Hooray! What a joy and delight to capture these young months forever. If you have recently adopted, please check out the Celebrating Adoption website to see if someone in your area participates. For those of you with living in Salem, check out Daveen! She is a gracious perfectionist, which is exactly what I look in a photographer.

So, behold these sweet photos of our then nine and a half month Mercy Michael Fikir Mann:

This gorgeous purple sweater was knit by my sister-in-law's mom just for Mercy. I never want her to out grow this beauty!

The quilt Mercy is on was sewed by Mercy's great great grandma (from Josh's dad's side of the family) It's held up beautifully all these years. Talk about vintage chic! We are exceptionally grateful this quilt has made it's way to Mercy Bear.

The story on this funny little dress is that it was mine when I was a baby. My mom found it, washed it and gave it to me for Mercy at a baby shower in December. The '80's are back.

More!

2011-07-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

Amazingly over 400 people dropped anything else they were doing and came to my sister's wedding. Isn't that incredible? What a gift to be loved and supported by so many friends and families. This also means that even though our camera wasn't put to use, many others snapped shots of the festivities. Check out this link to a post by one of our favorite family friends with fabulous photos of the evening.

Were you at the Bates/ Poole wedding? Did you take photos? Let me know! We would love to see as many shots from the night as possible. And, of course, Liz and Brent hired their friend and exceptional photographer Erich McVey to take the professional shots of the wedding. I cannot wait to see those!

Celebrating Mr. and Mrs. Poole

2011-07-25T00:09:00.000-07:00

My one and only sister got married on Friday. It was picture perfect in every way. Liz was the kind of bride every woman hopes to be; Incredibly calm, gracious and absolutely gorgeous. The whole day went smoothly and the evening went off without a hitch. I've got just a few pictures from the day/ evening, but nothing fancy. In fact, my huge regret from the night is that we didn't capture one single photo of our little family. There are entire Bates family shots, but not one of just Josh, the Bear and myself all gussied up. Darnit. I've got an ache in my stomach for missing that opportunity. How did that even happen!?

After days of rain the sun was shining, but it wasn't too hot; which was pretty much an accurate snapshot of the evening. Everything that could go right did go right. It was enchanted. Josh and I were so honored to stand with my sister and her new husband, Brent, on this special occasion. Below is the toast I gave at the reception. I only got choked up twice, but quickly recovered. I meant to print this out, but ran out of time and ended up using my iPhone, which was difficult since I was holding the mic with my other hand and am really only comfortable talking when I can flail both of my hands about. But regardless, we made it. What a magical night. What a beautiful sister. What a sacred ceremony. What a blessed couple. What loyal friends and supportive family. What a way to celebrate this new marriage.

Liz and Brent, thank you for inviting us to witness and participate in this sacred evening. It is a profound privilege and a pleasure to come together to celebrate with you, to cheer you on, and to commit to supporting and praying for you as you begin your life together. We want you to know you can count on us in every season of your marriage. We believe in you and affirm that God has done a good thing by bringing you two together as husband and wife.

Liz, I couldn’t have asked for or dreamed up a better sister than you. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

I have countless incredible memories of you and with you.

I remember when you were a little girl; sporting an edgy hairstyle we now lovingly refer to as The Bullet, a poetic mix of the classic bowl-cut and timeless mullet. You pulled it off, but even better than your hairstyle was your budding fashion sense. As a four year old, you would always be drenched in costume jewelry, fancy shoes and bold, colorful clothing. As is completely evident today, you had style woven into the fabric of your being. You were constantly changing outfits, trying out new combinations of beads, feathers and Disney princess dresses. At one point this wardrobe obsession become so elaborate that mom had to enforce the kitchen timer rule. You were only allowed to change outfits once every 15 minutes. This was a stretch for you, but you made it. And look at you now! Epic style and incredible grace.

I remember when you were 10 and I was 14, we flew with mom to New Mexico to visit Grandma Molly. It was on this trip, in a new place, sharing a room, and spending time together just the two of us at such a formative time in our lives that we unlocked a secret that would forever change our relationship. We discovered we could be more than blood relatives, bound together by our parents and our address. On this trip we learned we could be friends. We started an endless stream of inside jokes and rock solid non-verbal communication. We began to confide in each other and to have each other’s backs. This was a turning point in our relationship.

I remember just four years later leaving for college at the same time you began high school. I missed you so much during that season. As much as I longed to stretch my wings in a new city, I also longed to be at home with you, present and involved in your every day life.

I remember one time when I came home to visit and you shared what you thought was merely a simple reflection, but what I now believe was a profound insight to your soul. After several months of observing and interacting with the sea of people high school inevitably brings your way, you shared that you had made the decision to like everyone. You said it casually in the moment, but I could tell you held a conviction to look for the very best in each and every person in your life. And as the years went by, I noticed you not only committed yourself to seeing the best in others, but to actually bringing out the best in others. So many of us in this space tonight would say we are our best selves when we are around you.

I remember when the time came for you to prepare for college. And, oh what a journey that was.:-) I remember proudly watching you blossom into a beautiful woman of God at Corban as your faith deepened and your dependence on Him increased. I admire the way you articulate your faith and how devoted you are to growing in Christ.

Liz, it is an honor to have been granted a front row seat to your life. I am grateful for the kind of relationship with my one and only sister where we can always be the truest, messiest and funniest versions of ourselves. You are a beautiful, exceptional young woman and will be a phenomenal wife to Brent.

Brent, welcome to our family! I don’t remember too many conversations with my sister growing up about what our wedding days would look like, but I do remember having countless conversations about the kind of man we hoped to marry. I believe these conversations came up so early and often because of our dad. The kind of husband he has been and is to our mom set the bar at a very young age. When we were young, marrying someone like our dad was a given; of course we would marry someone as kind, thoughtful, present, patient, sensitive and godly our father! But as we got older, we realized that men like this were a rare treasure. We began to pray for our husbands. When I met Josh, there was a resurgence of hope; men like this still existed! Thankfully, Josh agreed to marry me and we continued to pray for the perfect mix of godly, funny, wise, and kind for Liz. And Brent, here you are; evidence of God’s goodness and answered prayer. You are gentle, but strong, you are kind and thoughtful. You are disciplined and smart. You are a safe place for my sister. You know who you are and you are pursuing who God has called you to be. You embrace all that my sister is and encourage her to become all that God is calling her to be. I am so thankful for your and so proud to call you brother from this day on.

Brent and Liz, this evening is the stuff of dreams. You two have graciously given so much time and energy into making your wedding memorable and meaningful. I feel confident that if you commit yourselves to investing this much time, thoughtfulness, energy, effort and intentionality into your marriage you will live an extraordinary love story that your own children and grandchildren will tell for ages and will aspire to themselves.

Please join me by raising your glass one more time to toast Brent and Liz Poole!

little bits of life

2011-06-30T06:57:00.000-07:00

I just choked on my green grapes. I looked at the date and realized my itsy-bitsy baby will be ELEVEN months old on Friday. And it will be July. What. Is. Happening.

Josh and I are tickled at Mercy's exceptional progress and growth, and a little bit nostalgic now that she is getting so big and strong, growing teeth and trying to walk and doing the most adorable little shoulder shrug. There have been days lately where we go pick up Mercy from her crib in the morning and are struck by how much she looks like a little girl and not a baby.What's next; SAT's and Prom!?

We had our first post-adoption visit with our amazing caseworker. She is probably the most affirming person I have ever been around. She really believes in us! I was floating by the end of our hour together. Mercy was intrigued by her and was showing her all the tricks she knows, like figure-eights under the coffee table, pulling to standing, waving, clapping, talking, using her sippy cup, trying to walk, crawling about ten miles an hour, giggling, smiling.

Our house is going up for sale on Sunday. We've been cleaning and organizing and getting it ready for the next owner. It's a lot of work to do this, even more work with a little one. But we're close and it feels really good to live in an especially sparkly, bright home in the meantime. We love our charming house and will miss it dearly, but it's time. We are staying in town, but just going with something smaller and simpler for this season. Pray for a buyer and quickly, too! It only takes one. We are selling it ourselves and are going into this process feeling hopeful.

My sister is getting married in about three weeks. It is going to be the most breathtaking occasion. This girl has so much creativity and style. My sister and her almost-husband are totally right for one another. Liz and Brent are deeply and widely loved and believed in and on July 22 they will be surrounded by hundreds of people who are incredibly excited to support and participate in such a sacred commitment. Josh has the privilege of officiating the ceremony. I have the privilege of being my little sister's Matron of Honor. We are all blessed to be a part of this season of their lives.

I'm actually very nervous about my speech at the reception. So many things to say to such a beautiful, godly, gifted sister. I literally lay awake in bed night after night mentally writing and editing my speech. Nothing has made it to paper yet. I'm going to attempt to pretend it's just my sister and me alone in a room, and to let up on the self-imposed pressure for perfection. It's just I only get to do this once... Also, I'm debating my wedding day shoes. We're all wearing yellow shoes. I have a great pair that is slightly too big for me. The next size down is definitely too small. This is an outdoor wedding so I'll be hot and I'm actually hoping my feet will swell to fill them out. But waiting until the day of is risky business. I do not want to stumble down that aisle or eat it on the dance floor or trip during my speech. I've been looking for another pair, but my size and the right style is hard to come by. Thoughts? Tips?

Speaking of marriage, Josh and I celebrated our six year anniversary last week. Six years! I still feel so young and I can't wrap my mind around the reality that we have been married for six years. I was just a child back then! God has graciously walked with us every step of the way and is making ours a beautiful love story. This year we celebrated a deeper commitment, appreciation and gratitude for one another. I am so incredibly blessed to have married him. Josh was and is a dream come to true. Sincerely. Having Josh as my very best friend is a gift of God's mercy in my life. We spent the day as a family, starting with a long walk to coffee and heading out for another walk at Minto Brown Park after Mercy's nap. Then the two of us spent a lovely, romantic evening in Portland.

What's new with you?

On a sunny evening

2011-06-11T18:14:00.000-07:00

This Saturday evening has surprised me with a clear blue sky, warm temperature, light breeze and a welcome dose of glowy sunlight that hides most imperfections in our backyard, making the green scenery inviting and enchanting. Since I hypothesized that summery days would bring back the blogger in me, I decided to take a brief break from my chores to say hello.

It's been over two months since we returned from our six week stay in Ethiopia. Tonight we say good-bye to our dearest adoption buddies, who leave Monday for Ethiopia to be united with their two newest babies, Haakon and Nyah. While we once wished our travel to Ethiopia would overlap, I'm now grateful that we've had two months at home with them since adding Mercy to our family before saying good-bye for this unknown amount of time (they're staying between court and embassy). We will miss them terribly, we are cheering them on completely and we are already anticipating the blessed day when they return to the States as a family of six. We're all hoping and praying they can return in time for Mercy's first birthday in August.

Speaking of Mercy, she has proudly mastered pulling to standing in her crib, crawling around the house, babbling a mile a minute and laughing at just about everything. She is ten months old and I have to say that so far, this is my favorite age. She is so engaging, has such sparkle and personality. She loves us; she hugs us, cuddles with us, reaches for us, is comforted by us. It's a good feeling. I can only imagine how my heart will melt when she starts to call me Mama. She has gained five pounds in our four months together. She's in the 14% in weight and 30% in height. She's perfect. She has two bottom teeth just staring to peek through those gums and she's handling it like a champ.

Our only struggle is the car seat. The girl can't stand it and we can't blame her. We thought we were only two months and two pounds away from turning the car seat around to face forward. I had started making a paper chain to count down the days. Then our doctor told us that the newest guideline recommends children to continue in their rear-facing position until 18-24 months. Even when he sited research which proves babies are five times more likely to die in a car accident while facing forward, we were still disappointed that this car sear drama will likely continue for several more months. We're still hoping she grows out of it as she adjusts. She's only been using a car sear for two of her ten months on earth. Mercy likes to be where the action is and being alone in the back seat, facing away from her Mama and Papa is pure torture for our little extrovert. So we either get Mercy a rear-facing sibling to sit back there with her or wait it out...

I've been back to work (part-time) for five weeks and it feels good. It's just right. I'm blessed and thankful. Mercy hangs out with friends two days a week for just a handful of hours and she seems to really enjoy her time. One day a week she hangs out with my adoptive mommy friend, Becca, and her two little girls. The other day she's been hanging out at home with my former small group girl, Whitney. Whitney just left to spend the next few months in Korea with my BFF, Paula. Lucky for Mercy, Grandma Debs is just about to finish her school year as a teacher and will spend her summer loving on her favorite granddaughter. It's a win-win for everyone and for that we are grateful.

Speaking of grandparents, Mercy has one set living in town and another set coming to town tomorrow! Grandma and Grandpa Mann arrive tomorrow to spend a few days with their favorite granddaughter (ok, ok, Mercy is the first grandchild on both sides). It's their second time visiting in two months and we're thankful for the travel in their line of work, which brings them out to the West Coast every so often, and that they have been flexible and accommodating in order to spend time with us (and Josh's two brothers' families) whenever and however they can. We have a big "Mann Family Vaca" planned for early August, so these few days together is another little teaser for Mercy of the good times to come.

With VIP guests arriving tomorrow and a fun night with our friends tonight, I better sign off and get back to my to-do list. Cheers!

When it's summer

2011-06-01T20:33:00.000-07:00

When sunny, warm weather rolls around I think my blogging will resume at a more consistent pace.

Mercy is 10 months old today!

Mercy knows to smile when the camera (phone) is in her face

Sporting a summery outfit on an surprisingly hot day

Practicing the Sippy Cup

Date night

Cheese!

Our little Cabbage Patch and her daddy

Walking home from the Saturday Market

Sleepy baby

Trip to Dessie, Part 1

2011-05-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

A little more than three months ago, on February 19, Josh and I hopped out of bed at 4am (pretty easy with our enduring Jet-Lag), threw a few essentials into our backpacks and walked down the marble steps of our guesthouse to our awaiting taxi. Mohammad drove us central bus station in the dark, warning us to be very vigilant and very careful. Josh and I paid approximately $10 for a (grueling) 10 hour journey to the small city of Dessie, north of Addis Ababa. This is the city where Mercy was born. Knowing she was coming such a far distance to be with us, we felt strongly that we would do whatever possible to go visit the place of her birth. We were curious to see another view of life in Ethiopia and wanted to have a personal experience with the city where she was born, so we can tell her all about it someday.

The distance from Addis Ababa to Dessie is similar of that from Salem to Seattle, which is about a three and a half hour drive, straight up I-5. The very difficult 10 hour drive made this trip a stretch, but still within our reach. Many families have children born far away in remote villages that either do not have real roads or that you must fly into, so we felt grateful that it was even possible for us to take a weekend trip for only $20. The charter bus was packed with Ethiopian's (we were the only white folks) and we could hit 30 MPH at top speeds, because of the poor roads, or lack of roads all together. At one point, around 8am, the road suddenly stopped so our bus driver paused a minute, then turned left and simply drove over the wide island (complete with grass and shrubs) to another road nearby. Lots of bouncing. Like butt several inches off your seat bouncing. I took a bit of Dramamine, which I made sure not to take coming home, since the drowsy side effect made it hard for me to really enjoy the sights.

Twice the bus driver pulled over and opened the doors. Everyone got off and most disappeared into the bushes and trees nearby. This was a bathroom stop. Just like along the side of the road, men to the right and women to the left, in the bushes. Being white, obviously, everyone stared at me. And this was basically forest. And I was so self-conscious. I literally held my bladder for 10 hours on the way there. On the way home, a local family noticed my distress as I looked for a private place to squat (Josh couldn't help me because men had to stay on the other side) and eventually took me to their outhouse (a hole in the ground with a shack built over it) so I wouldn't have to endure an audience. Well, a human audience. I did enjoy the company of a gray burro.

We stopped once for lunch at this crazy cool market place and very small road side town, where every bus, coming and going, stops along their journey. This was again very different than life in a big city like Addis. The food was intense, it was loud and crowded and people weren't quite as ambivalent to white folks as they were in the city. The outhouses were just like Slumdog Millionaire. But it was exactly what I always envisioned Ethiopia to be like, that is, vastly different from Addis. So I'm thankful for the view, for the people, for the food, the bathrooms, the animals and vegetables, the barley and bread, and the chance to be stretched.

The bus ride to Dessie took me way out of my comfort zone and I know I'm not doing a great job of describing this scenario right now, but trust me, it was intense. Even Josh had to admit it was more than we bargained for, in terms of just how truly local it was, how hard the journey was, how completely alone we were. We left on Saturday and had court back in Addis first thing Monday morning so we had a little bit of anxiety, knowing there was no margin for error. But it was priceless. I love exploring with Josh. I arrived home to Addis very proud of myself (and VERY dirty) and thankful to my husband for pushing me, knowing that this was a once in a lifetime memory and a cherished part of Mercy Bear's story. I haven't been able to upload any pictures from my camera since returning home, all because I cannot find my card reader. I'll purchase a new one today and hope to post again tomorrow with a few pictures of our trip, and more details about arriving in Dessie and our crazy experience getting home, just in time for Court.

photo catch-up

2011-05-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

I'm nine months old!

High chair time!

It's way more fun to sit in grown-up chairs

My dear, sweet, friend and her son, River, visiting from the Middle East. We are new moms together!

Portland Timbers game! A date night treat for Josh's graduation.

Happy Graduation to Josh! MBA, Non-Profit Management. Smarty-pants.

Mercy is all dressed up for the CRASH Academy Awards (middle school film contest)

Family walks at Bush Park.

Right in the heart of the city but you'd never know.

Dinner with our soul-mate, couple friends. They come back to visit again in December, thank God.

Dear Parents, I'd rather stand than crawl, but I'll humor you for a bit.

Clean Baby.

Presently

2011-05-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

We entered May alive and well, celebrating the completion of Josh's MBA, Mercy feeding herself for the first time and my inaugural Mother's Day. Now, suddenly we are planning dinners and vacations and meetings for JUNE. I can hardly believe it.

Today marks exactly three months since we first laid eyes on Mercy. I am relishing that sweet memory. As Mercy napped this morning, I re-read all of my blog posts from January and February, as we anticipated meeting our daughter and becoming a family. It was good for my soul to reflect and remember that season. I've been in a bit of a weird place since returning to Oregon and I believe looking back is helping me move forward. I also re-read all of your kind, gracious and encouraging comments and was deeply moved. Thank you for walking with us and for taking the time to comment. I love that we will forever have those posts and notes, capturing that significant season as a new family.

I'm beginning to feel less afraid of this "Land Between" season of transition, of which I'm attempting to steward well by not rushing, minimizing or exaggerating. I'm also sensing a need to draw inward a bit as we settle; to put a gentle but defined hedge around our little Mercy in particular. In August, during a blissful summer and heightened commitment to celebrate the present as we anticipated our Referral, I read a fantastic book called Found Art, which was a memoir of sorts, organized around and inspired by the beautiful, powerful and poetic verses in Ecclesiastes 3:

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens;

a time to to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to break down and a time to build up,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to turn away,

a time to search and a time to quit searching,

a time to hold on and a time to let go,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace...

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 11

I have a tendency to rank things, such as seasons of life, as simply better or worse, leaving out the fundamental element of nuance and complexity, layered in every human life. I'm learning that just because I'm living in a new season, which I have yet to understand, organize, label and articulate (making me feel in control and safe) doesn't make this a bad season, or a worse season that I was living in last August. It's not that simple. So this is what I have been wrestling through: Acknowledging that seasons of have shifted and trying to be gentle enough with myself to allow time and space for this season to evolve and eventually define itself and to be on the look out for themes and lessons He wants to teach me in this present moment of my life. I'm trying to embrace the tension of transition and re-entry that comes with every shift in our lives. I'm trying to not force the answers, to lean in to the journey, to be free from pressure to tell everyone what I think they want to hear and to come back to trust and thankfulness at the end of every day. And that's the best I can do right now.

P.S. The author of Found Art, Leeana, wrote a beautiful and timely post today, related to this topic.

Gotta Get Down on Thursday

2011-04-28T10:44:00.000-07:00

I wish Rebecca Black had written a song called "Thursday" instead. Thursday is my favorite day of the week and I would really enjoy having a specific, celebratory song to sing when this day rolls around each week. This Thursday involves a trip to Bridgeport Village, The Bear's new high chair arriving via Amazon, lunch with one set of Mercy's Great-Grandparents, dinner with friends and game 6 of the NBA Playoffs (Go Blazers!).

I have started to write and then stopped about six times in as many days. I haven't been able to get in a good groove since being home, which affects all aspects of my life, including blogging. Growing up my dad used to read from a devotional book after family dinners each night. At one point he took a break from the Christian devotionals to read from the book, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff". I think he was trying to give his four rascally children a hint. Nothing much from the book stuck with me, but the title is a helpful mantra in and of itself. So about my lack of blogging I say to myself, "Don't sweat the small stuff".

Life is good. I love being a mom to Mercy. I'm slowly starting to feel more like myself. When I triumphantly declared I was "back" after district conference two weeks ago, I was wrong. It's been slow, but we are seeing progress and I'm pretty sure I'm feeling better each day. And it's not "being a mom" that's left me feeling off. It's bigger than that. We left America and a way of life we'd been used to for six years, took a blissful seven week hiatus to Ethiopia, where we entered into a new season with relative ease, and then returned to a full and wonderful world in Oregon, which includes a plethora of goodness, such as ministry, extended family, lots of friends, stewarding calendars, boundaries, expectations, money and relationships, and staying on top of regular stuff like laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the house and putting gas in the car (none of which we had to do the first month of parenthood). Simply chalking the tension of this transition up to "newish mommyhood" doesn't give the fullest, most accurate picture of this season. This season is rich and sweet, complex and nuanced.

I have a little less than two weeks before I head back to work; another family and personal transition. I'm looking forward to re-engaging in my current ministry context and have been free from any pressure or rush to hurry back. It's been a treat to have this month at home with The Bear and I'm looking forward to my remaining window as a full-time homemaker. The two families we went to Court with on February 21 are still waiting for their Embassy appointments and to bring their sons home. Oh, the heartache of that long wait. I feel for them. I pray for them. I am even more deeply grateful for this treasured time with our Mercy Bear.

Days are filled by finding joy in the small things and staying aware of our blessings. We are caught up on Survivor. I bought sunny yellow sheets for our bed, reminding us that sunny days are ahead. We take a family trip to Starbucks each Tuesday before Josh begins his work-week. Most days we celebrate Josh coming home from work with a family walk to catch up on the day. I have a comfy TOMS sweatshirt I try to wear at least five days a week. I bought two new books for my Kindle (haven't read a page yet since coming home). We have been refreshed by spending time with our "soul-mate couple friends" who ditched us to serve Jesus in the Middle East, but are back visiting now. We laugh at Mercy when she shudders after reluctantly eating her broccoli (mixed with sweet peas and pears). I started back to tutoring my favorite middle school students twice a week. I drink large glasses of chocolate milk whenever I want. My parents or sister often watch Mercy so Josh and I can go to church together (which has proven to be more of a logistical dance than we anticipated). With a big cup of coffee in my hand, I watch the Today show (minus the Kathi Lee and Hoda segment...those two drive me batty). My nails are painted gold. The laundry is all folded and put away (for the moment). The Blazers are in the Playoffs. Prince William and Kate are getting married. The Portland Timbers are doing well in their first season as an MLS team. My husband finishes his (second) graduate degree in a few days. Mother's Day is right around the corner. Small things and many blessings. If I lose sight of these, I'm in trouble. But if I keep them always in front of me, with Christ sustaining me, I am free to engage in the present with more joy and less worry.

P.S. I volunteer with sixth grade girls so of course I love Rebecca Black's song, Friday! Finally, a song written by a middle school student that is appropriate for middle school students. Pure, simple, perfection if you ask me.

The Day We Met Mercy {2.16.11}

2011-04-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

WE ARRIVED IN ETHIOPIA AT 11PM TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 15 AND WOKE UP THE NEXT MORNING TO NEWS THAT WE WERE TO MEET OUR DAUGHTER...IN JUST ONE HOUR. WE JUMPED IN THE SHOWER, TRIED TO EAT BREAKFAST, ARRANGED TRANSPORTATION AND TOOK SEVERAL DEEP BREATHS AS WE DROVE THROUGH THE BUSY STREETS OF ADDIS ABABA TO OUR BABY'S ORPHANAGE ON A SUNNY, WARM WEDNESDAY MORNING.

AFTER MONTHS OF SMALL, GRAINY PHOTO UPDATES, WE FINALLY LAY EYES ON OUR BEAUTIFUL, LITTLE DAUGHTER.

SIX AND A HALF MONTH OLD MERCY MICHAEL FIKIR MANN SEEING HER PARENTS FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.

I WANTED TO SIMPLY FREEZE TIME. FINALLY HOLDING MY BABY.

FIRST FAMILY PHOTO.

SHE HAS SPARKLY EYES, AN ADORABLE NOSE, SMOOTH SKIN, SILKY HAIR AND IRRESISTIBLE KISS-ME LIPS. WE CAN'T TAKE OUR EYES OFF OF HER.

MAMA AND PAPA ARE IN LOVE.

A deep, heartfelt thank you to Nina and Wes Mullins for capturing this incredibly special day.

{reminder: please don't re-post or share these photos without our permission}

Two Weeks Home

2011-04-17T17:43:00.000-07:00

I finally got that manicure and pedicure. Felt good. Looks even better.

Josh and I are going on date tonight thanks to Auntie Lizzy. So fun.

Grandma and Grandpa Mann came to Oregon for a visit. They loved Mercy and she was enamored with them. They brought her a soft, fuzzy Panda Bear all the way from China.

Josh spoke at our denomination's district conference on Tuesday night and totally nailed it. He preached a powerful and timely message at church this weekend. He's now fast asleep on the couch.

At district conference on Tuesday night I had the glorious realization that I was really feeling like myself again. Being back with our friends and fellow pastors, sitting with Josh and worshiping as a corporate community, leaving The Bear in the care of someone else as she slept, allowing me to simply engage as an individual, all contributed to an excellent evening. I went to bed with a full tank that night and believe it was a turning point in my re-entry process.

This week Josh heads back to work (AKA be at the office), I'm going to my sister's first bridal shower, I will re-join my sixth grade girls at CRASH (our mid-week middle school gathering), we get to hang out with our good friends who serve as International Workers in the Middle East and arrived in Oregon for a visit with their two-month old son, and we have the honor and privilege to reflect on and participate in Holy Week. This may be my favorite week on the church calendar, so I'm sincerely looking forward to leaning in with fresh eyes and a soft heart. Hopefully you will do the same.

Helpful

2011-04-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

Recently an adoptive family we met in Ethiopia posted a note they wrote to friends and family regarding their once orphaned and recently adopted daughter and their parenting plan as they bring her home. I thought this was so wise, so well-written, so clear and so helpful that I would re-post a majority of it on our blog for you to read. Truthfully, Josh and I probably should have written and sent something like this several months ago. But since we didn't, I highly encourage you to use this note as a resource for understanding and supporting our family in this special season. If possible, take time to read it more than once, as each paragraph is rich with information. As you read "Zahra" just substitute "Mercy" and "Little Z" with "The Bears", you get the idea. Thanks to so many of you who have been faithfully following my blog, praying for us and cheering us on all along the way. The journey of our family has only just begun and we're finding it sweeter than we even imagined.

Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby – which teaches her that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God’s very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.

Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. Zahra will experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. When Zahra comes home, she will be overwhelmed. Everything around her will be new and she will need to learn not just about her new environment, but also about love and family. She has not experienced God’s design for a family in an orphanage setting. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs. The good news is that we can now, as Zahra's parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help her heal from these emotional wounds.

The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the only ones to hold, cuddle, instruct, soothe and feed her. As this repeats between us, she will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Zahra begins to establish this important bond, she will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships. Zahra will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her at times, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways, we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are her forever family. You may also notice us tighten our circle a bit, stay close to home, and we may seem a little less available socially, at least Erica and Zahra, for a while. Please know that these decisions are prayerfully and thoughtfully made choices based on our personal experience, research and instruction from trusted adoption mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help her heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible.

While some of this may seem like overkill or even sound a little bit crazy we pray that you will understand and trust that we are doing this to give Zahra the absolute best shot at being a secure, well adjusted, and confident adult. We can't give an exact time line on what this will look like or at what point we'll say that Zahra is "attached" to us. This takes time and every child is different. We do know what a secure attachment looks like and we'll be looking for that progress in the days, weeks, months, and even years ahead.

Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an incredible and vital role in helping little Zahra settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:

The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if adults around her limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with a young child who you are around frequently. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Zahra should know that the people with whom she interacts are our trusted friends.

Another area (probably the biggest as we'll be keeping little Z close to us for the first few months) is redirecting Zahra's desire to have her physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet them. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. To share this is difficult for us because you have openly loved on our other children and we have loved on yours as well, and treasure that connection. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have Zahra hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until she has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct her to us if you see that she is seeking out food, affection or comfort from anyone but us.

Also, please feel free to ask us any questions at any time. This will be an adjustment for our family as we get back into this routine and help Zahra learn about family/parents/and appropriate behaviors. We are so grateful that you are seeking with us to help Zahra feel loved, safe, and secure. We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us. We couldn’t ask for a better extended family & circle of friends for our precious little Z. Thank you so much for your love and support over the past thirteen months.

Author's blog and full post found here.

One Week Home

2011-04-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

Technically yesterday marked one week of being home from Ethiopia, but since we didn't pull in to our driveway until after 1am Saturday morning I think it's only fair to call today a solid week. In many ways it feels like we have been home much longer. In many ways I'm so glad it has only been one week because the affects of international travel are still taking their toll.

I'm still adjusting to life back at home and I think I'm doing an okay job, but it's not my favorite part of the transition. I wouldn't say I'm down in the dumps, but I would say I'm living in a bit of a fog. I'm so tired that when offered the opportunity to get a manicure and pedicure (one of my most favorite treats) I shrug it off, noting that it feels like too much work to make an appointment, drive out there, generate small talk and generally stay awake enough not to drool on myself. I mean, seriously, what has happened to me!? We sleep all through the night so it's not like having a newborn, but an eight month old is a full-time, all hands on deck kind of thing, especially when your little one is working through the appropriate and healthy phases of attachment and bonding. Mercy is gaining weight, smiling, babbling, eating, playing, snuggling, sleeping.... thriving. Go, Bearsy Bears!

I have always been proud that Josh and I established a consistent date night early in our marriage, before we really "needed" it. Currently it has been eight weeks since we've had a date night, which is totally okay given the circumstances, but we both miss going out together. We're getting close to re-establishing these treasured times as a couple, but I'm not ready to leave Mercy and she is not at all at a place where she does well without one of us being with her constantly.

In fact she definitely prefers it if both of her adoring parents can be at her side all of the time. For example, on Wednesday I went to staff meeting at church, out to lunch with my team and then to get my hair cut and when I arrived home four hours later, Josh reported Mercy hadn't taken a nap and was growing more hot and bothered by the hour. Twenty minutes after I got home she went down for a nap without a hitch. The same kind of thing happened yesterday when Josh spent the majority of the day working on his messages. Once again within minutes of him being home, she was happy as a clam. It's a good sign for us as a family and it's also a bit tricky in reality. In Ethiopia the three of us were together all the time and now Mercy is slowly learning to trust us and to get used to our brief absences. We're taking our time.

Earlier this week we said good-bye to an old friend; Josh's 1996 Dodge Neon, the only car he has ever owned. His family purchased it brand, spanking new back in the day. It was bittersweet for Josh to part ways with his trusty car, but we both agreed it was time. We traded it in for a more family friendly vehicle, which I drive (woot!woot!) and now Josh drives my dear old Honda, which gets like 87 miles to the gallon. Love that thing. And no, we didn't have to pay the dealership to take the Neon. Sheesh.

Good-bye, old friend.

Last time sitting in the Neon.

Currently dinner is warming in the oven, and the best part is I didn't even make it. The most tangible blessing we've received since being home is having friends make us the most delicious dinners. It is a huge relief to put Mercy down for the night and have dinner waiting for us. We have the most generous friends ever. And, they know how to make a meal. YUM.

I mean seriously. Our friends are amazing.

Well you've waited so patiently. Enjoy more pictures of The Bears (still can't find that camera cord!):

At Target. The happiest place on earth. That's what they call it, right?

"Feeling so, so happy after meeting so many middle school and high school students at church. They're cool".

"Mmmm. Pears".

This pile just keeps growing (much to my type-a chagrin).

Time to eat, snuggle up on the couch with my hubs and catch up on Survivor. Cheers!

Four Days Home

2011-04-05T21:32:00.000-07:00

It's been four wonderful days since we flew home after spending nearly seven weeks in Ethiopia. Mercy is sleeping well and is seemingly adjusting to the newest monumental change in her life like a champ. Thankfully Josh is at home this week and next, taking just a few early morning hours each day to prepare for upcoming messages. It's a real blessing to have time as a family in our city and in our home. We've come back to Oregon at a magical time of year where everything that's been dead and dingy is slowly springing back to life, full of color. Scattered all around town are hints of promise that sunshine and warmer weather are on their way.

Late Friday night we flew in from San Fransisco and pulled into our driveway at 1:30am, after a joyful reunion with family and friends at the airport. Once Mercy and Josh went to sleep, I came downstairs to start laundry, open the mail, snuggle with the puppies, eat American snacks and just basically wander around my pretty little house, happy as a clam to be back in it. At 4:30am I decided to go to bed. As I crawled under the covers I fought the urge to wake Josh up and ask him if he ordered a new mattress while we were away.

Saturday was probably one of the best days of my life. We woke up with Mercy around 5:30am (she was a little spooked to be in a new crib in a room all alone) and brought her into bed with us. We all fell asleep until 9:30am and then headed to our favorite Starbucks to introduce The Bear to the baristas who have been anxiously awaiting her arrival. As much as I've enjoyed tiny cups of delicious Ethiopian coffee, I was stoked to get my paws on a 16oz piping hot cup of American coffee. Fully caffeinated we set off for the Saturday Market to buy bunches of spring flowers. Fresh flowers are good for my soul.

After Mercy went down for a nap I went to Target and Old Navy (to buy Mercy smaller clothes). It was the first time I'd been alone in seven weeks. As I entered Target I immediately noticed that no one stared at me, followed me or tried to talk to me. I was relieved to blend in with the crowds. I grabbed a late lunch and headed home to watch the Final Four on our comfy couch with Josh. When we turned on the TV, my jaw dropped; what a big, bright, clear TV! Later, our dear friends stopped by with groceries and dinner. The sun was even shining. I was giddy to be back in Oregon, relaxing in our clean house, the Final Four on TV, Mercy sleeping upstairs, dinner prepared for us, cupboards full and just enough alone time to recharge my tank. I was oozing thankfulness.

As for me, I thought I had completely bypassed jet lag and general yuckiness. Yesterday I started to feel a bit off and today it hit me. I'm not exactly sure what "it" is, but "it" is definitely happening. Now that the sweet, sweet adrenaline is wearing off I'm exhausted and sore (but still fiercely determined to get things in order and to make the most of every moment before I go back to work). Sadly, I've also been getting sick every time I eat (and our friends have been bringing us the most delicious meals- I can't resist). Also I'm generally finding life in America to be a bit overwhelming. Our time in Ethiopia was quite simple, with a singular focus, whereas here there are so many things to think about, manage, schedule, arrange, decide on, prepare for, worry about, wish for, move past, look forward to, etc. Our lives in Oregon are rich and full, so it's tempting to take a running start and dive back in as quickly as possible. I'm learning, however, that this transition is best done slowly, like with a fancy dessert; It's delicious, but you can't eat too much, too fast or you'll get a stomach ache. So I'm trying to give myself permission to take the days one at a time, to ease up on my self-imposed productivity demands and to only process "real life" realities in bite sized pieces.

There are multiple times a day when I think to myself, "I cannot believe this is my life. We have it so, so good". Each day with Mercy is a gift. We are savoring these days of transition. We go on walks, we read books that rhyme, we snuggle and sing, we run errands and visit family. We're home with our amazingly cute daughter, smack in the middle of a supportive and loving community, preparing to re-enter ministries at a place we feel called to and thankful for, with story after story of God's generous goodness fresh on our minds and imprinted on our hearts.

And now, pictures. My camera cord is buried somewhere so these iPhone photos will have to do.

Bundled up for our very first walk in Oregon/ in a stroller.

Jumping around.

Oh Cherry Blossoms, how I love you.

All tuckered out.

A new kind of Saturday morning

2011-04-03T08:20:00.000-07:00

We're Coming Home!

2011-03-29T23:15:00.000-07:00

One year ago, after receiving that notorious and precious I-600A approval from USCIS in the mail, Josh and I drove up to Portland on a very rainy afternoon to drop off our completed dossier at our agency's office.

Six weeks ago we flew into Addis Ababa and met our baby girl.

Five weeks ago we passed court and took her in our arms forever.

Monday morning we opened our email to find the US Embassy had completed reviewing Mercy's file in just two days and was ready for the visa interview appointment.

Today at 9am we had our appointment at the US Embassy. We heard those beautiful words, "Your adoption is final and complete". It was an emotional moment.

Tomorrow we fly home to Oregon.

Back in December when Josh's parents generously donated their airlines miles for our round-trip flights we blindly picked a return date. We had no idea if we would pass court right away or if our embassy process would be delayed. We looked at a few options, but with mile tickets you sometimes have limited options. We eventually settled for March 31 and knew we would need to change our tickets as we got closer. With news that our final embassy document was still missing on March 16, we began to wonder if we should take a look at tickets home the first week or April. When we received word on Monday that Mercy's file was complete and her visa would be ready in time for our flight Thursday, on our original flight booked back in December, we were floored.

We are feeling strong pangs of sadness about leaving Ethiopia, knowing this significant season is coming to an end. We will likely never spend as much time together as a family as we did during these six weeks. Ethiopia has really grown on us and we will miss the people, the culture, the weather, the food, and so much more. It is both sobering and exciting to think about bringing Mercy to her new home and leaving her country of birth for an indefinite amount of time. This has been a life-changing and a life-giving experience, one I will treasure for the rest of my life. The next 36 hours we will be busy soaking up all we can. Our first stop is visiting one of the biggest outdoor markets in Africa. Beef Tibs and Injera are on the menu for dinner! And Kaldi's Strawberry or Mango juice is a must. We enjoyed the most amazing restaurant, Sishu, for lunch. The best crepe ever.

Celebrating all God has done in us these past eighteen months. Anticipating all that is still to come in the days, months and years ahead as we continue to lean into His leading, submit to his promptings and revel in the reality that after all these years, we are a family of three.

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27

Tuesday Tidbits

2011-03-28T21:49:00.000-07:00

It is another beautiful morning in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and I’m feeling especially thankful to be here. The sun is just coming up, the birds are chirping, the air is clean and cool, and Mercy slept twelve and a half hours last night! Breakfast will arrive in about an hour, at which time I’ll move to the balcony with my oatmeal, coffee, Kindle, Bible, journal and iPod. For now it’s just me, sitting in silence and solitude. These early morning moments are fuel for my day. I can never get up early enough. It’s one of the things I will miss the most when we are home- sitting outside on the balcony, in the sun and warmth, with not a care in the world and no reason to rush.

We have been living in a very spacious room on the second floor of Weygoss Guest House. In our little corridor we have a kitchen and a full bath. In the room, Mercy’s crib is right next to my side of the bed (that will be a big change when we go home). We have a sitting area with a love seat, chair and coffee table. There is also a desk (which we use as a bottle prep station). By far my favorite aspect of this room is the number and size of windows. From the staff to the space, we have really enjoyed living here for the past six weeks and would recommend Weygoss to anyone travelling to Ethiopia.

In the last week or so I’ve finished Anne Lammott’s memoir, Operating Instructions, which is a journal from the first year of her son Sam’s life. I’ve found it particularly funny and relevant in this season of motherhood.

I also read Rob Bell’s new book, Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived. We downloaded it the day it released on Amazon, where it had already sold out in hard copy. When was the last time Amazon was sold out of a book? This book was fascinating and I sincerely wish I agreed with much more of it. It would be a much happier ending for most people if I could just get on board with Rob’s convictions. However, I disagreed with many of his conclusions and yet I think this is a book every Christ follower should read. It’s getting a lot of attention and it’s flying off the shelf. It’s a book from a well -respected author and pastor that compels the reader to think critically about what is written. We must avoid reading only books we know in advance we will whole-heartedly agree with. Likewise, we must avoid “critical thinking” only when we know we will absolutely disagree with an entire book or perspective or author. This book makes you think and I recommend it highly.

After a memoir and a book on Heaven and Hell, it was time for some fiction. Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann is edgy, complicated and a bit dark. It tells one big story with a dozen different characters chiming in with their own perspective, flavor and background. It a way it feels like a book of short stories and yet, each one is intricately connected to the whole. It took some time for me to really get into, but once I got going I couldn’t stop.

I’m currently reading Half the Sky, Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide, by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn. I only wish I would have read this book sooner. This is a must read.

What are you reading? What would you recommend? I’m going to need another book or two before we arrive home.

The past two weeks have probably been my favorite. I think it’s the rhythm we’re getting into and the joy of seeing Mercy really come alive. I know I say it a lot but she is the sweetest, cutest baby in the world. We are so thankful for her. And we have not once regretted staying in Ethiopia between court and embassy. So good. So special. After a week or so of rain, colder weather and cloud cover, the sun and warmth came back. On one of the first sunny days, we packed our bags and headed to the Sheraton with Wes, Nina, Alex and Eliana for a little swimming. The grounds are impeccably maintained, spacious, quiet and clean. The pool is warm and inviting. For an Oregonian it was especially invigorating to go swimming in March! Mercy loves the water. She could splash around all day. And she looked ridiculously adorable in her little bathing suit. I’ll try to post a picture tomorrow. The Sheraton was such good fun that we went back a few days later, to celebrate our file being submitted to the Embassy. We’ve also enjoyed fajitas and Pad Thai at the outdoor restaurant.

We’ve also been tracking March Madness. What a crazy run it’s been! Wes and Nina are HUGE Kentucky fans. I mean HUGE. So when Ohio State (our favorite team) was scheduled to play Kentucky the competition really got heated. We found a website where we could listen to the game and woke up at 4:45am to tune in. At 6:50am, with just 48 seconds left on the clock, Wes, Nina, Josh and I were all in our PJ’s, biting our nails and pacing the floor. And then Ohio State lost. And Wes and Nina started jumping up and down. In our room. The nerve. :-) That was a really fun memory for us and the babies slept right through it.

Oh, and I was beyond thrilled (Josh might say giddy) when I found out my favorite author and role model Shauna Niequist is pregnant again, after four years of trying, hoping and praying for another baby. Made my week to hear this amazing news! Check out her blog at www.shaunaniequist.com

Breakfast just arrived, so it’s time for me to move out to the balcony.

P.S. Happy 30^th Anniversary Mom and Dad! You two lovebirds are heroes in my book. Way to go.

Embassy Process Update 3

2011-03-24T01:44:00.000-07:00

Josh just got off the phone with our lawyer....

THE MISSING DOCUMENT ARRIVED THIS MORNING (THURSDAY)!

Our file has been submitted to the U.S. Embassy!

Thank you for believing God could do this and praying that he would. We are so thankful for you. We are brimming with joy at this good news! He did it again. He loves to come through at the eleventh hour (remember how our court date was assigned on Christmas Eve Day, when Dove offices were closed?!).

Now that our file has been submitted to the US Embassy they will begin their independent review process of our file. This could take five days or five weeks or five months (although most don't take that long). When they are ready for us we will get an interview scheduled and be able to travel home about two days after the interview. Stay tuned.

Embassy Process Update 2

2011-03-23T08:30:00.000-07:00

Well. It’s 6:20pm on Wednesday evening and sadly the missing document has not arrived once again, meaning the soonest our file can be submitted to the US Embassy is Thursday, March 31- five and a half weeks after passing court. Suffice it to say we are not only sad, but frustrated as well. We spoke with our lawyer this afternoon and he told us the document had been completed and was on its way to our orphanage, where he would pick it up just as soon as it arrived. At 5pm it he had heard nothing more.

I know Jesus loves when we present our requests to Him. I know he is aware of and deeply cares for even the smallest details of our lives. It is humbling that a God so great, so big, so powerful takes time to listen to our prayers, to move on our behalf, to comfort and guide us, to encourage and strengthen us. He is good. Thank you for praying with us. It was extremely encouraging to read your comments and know you joined us in prayer. Hopefully you won’t stop praying with and for us now. God can do anything.

Today’s Jesus Calling devotion was incredibly perfect for our circumstances. I read it at 7am on the balcony with a cup of coffee in my hand, sweating in the morning sun (yes, the sun came back!). I read no more than two sentences when I burst into tears. After I finished the only thing I could think to do was get on my knees and thank God for knowing, for caring, for being sovereign and generous, kind and faithful. I love when you read something written years in the past that specifically speaks to where you are in the present. It’s just like Him to arrange an encounter like that. It reminded me that He is in control and He is good.

Now that Mercy is down for the night, Josh and I are feeling the full force of the disappointment. This is unwelcome news. Discouraging. Confusing. Frustrating. I’ve written many times how grateful we are to be with Mercy and to be in Ethiopia, so I won’t preface every sad feeling with those thoughts anymore. You know by now how good we have it and how blessed we know we are. So tonight we trust that God has something for us in this extra wait. Who knows what beautiful thing He wants to bring about from this inefficient process. We come to Him with open hands and hearts, expecting Him to move, to reveal Himself to us, to provide for our every need, and to continue authoring our story with faithfulness and mercy.

Practical prayer requests include encouragement for our hearts, spiritual nourishment for our souls, patience and grace as we lean in to this next week of waiting, continued bonding and attachment with Mercy, eyes to see God on the move, good rest and health and for that pesky document to arrive... tomorrow, and, of course, anything else the Spirit prompts you to pray.

Embassy Process Update

2011-03-22T01:35:00.000-07:00

Today marks exactly four weeks since we passed court and have had Mercy Bear with us. Time flies when you're having fun! Mercy is the best.

At the four week mark we had hoped that our file would be completed and submitted to the US Embassy here in Addis. Unfortunately there remains one document that is still missing. Our agency can only submit documents to the Embassy each Thursday, so when we got the news last Wednesday that the piece of paper was still missing we knew it would be March 24 before our next window of opportunity. We talked with our lawyer this morning (Tuesday) and the document has still not arrived. If it doesn't arrive tomorrow (Wednesday) it will be yet another week until he can submit our file (March 31). Blah.

Overall we are doing really well, but when we got the news this morning our hearts sank a bit. We continue to trust, hope and pray. Would you join us in prayer? Please pray that the document arrives tomorrow (Wednesday) so that our file can be submitted on March 24. It is possible, maybe even probable, but it is all up in the air, which is unsettling. It's been a super fabulous five weeks here in Ethiopia and we're not complaining, but we are both humbly and boldly asking God to do what only he can do- get that missing piece of paper into our lawyer's hands by tomorrow. We're ready to enter the home stretch. Thanks for standing with us in prayer. We believe in its power like never before. We know He listens and moves in response. We trust Him!

We'll keep you posted.

Reflections from Addis 5

2011-03-16T20:47:00.000-07:00

Mercy slept for twelve hours straight last night. Hallelujah! After I fed her and changed her, I looked outside at the sideways rain. I have a new perspective on the rain today, a fantasy if you will. Instead of the grey sky and rapid rainfall reminding me of gloomy Oregon winters, I thought of Seattle. For those who know me well, you know how dearly I love Seattle. For some reason when it rains in Seattle it is romantic, mysterious, cozy. I piled on a few layers of clothing and dragged my chair back outside to the balcony. My Kindle was charging so I grabbed my journal and began to write, coffee and oatmeal in hand, while my two loves slept peacefully inside.

Both Josh and I are beginning to feel much better physically. I think the main contributor to the runny nose, sinus pressure, sore throat and Pink Eye is the pollution that is so prevalent in the heart of Addis Ababa, where we are staying. We’ve hypothesized that after a few weeks it takes you down and then slowly your body gets used to it and builds some sort of immunity against it. We still blow our noses regularly, but the constant feeling of yuck is fading.

Choosing to stay in country between our court and embassy process has given us access to two very interesting cultural experiences, for which we are thankful. First, we got to go to the Ethiopian Immigration office to get Mercy’s passport picture taken. We met our lawyer and two nannies with two babies there. I have never seen so many Ethiopians all at once. Outside the big gates there must have been 300 people all milling around. Once inside the gate the line stretches all the way around the compound. There were probably 400 people in line to get their passport applications and photos turned in. Inside the building there is another crowd of about 150 people in chairs snaked across a long, narrow room. In the office are about eight employees reviewing and approving paperwork. About 75 people wait for the next available clerk. There are only two computers, the rest is done by hand, then stamped with approval and placed in an overflowing outbox.

Since we had babies we were immediately taken to the inner room with 75 other Ethiopians. Our lawyer was in his element and it was thrilling to watch him fly around the place, calm but confident, paperwork in his hands, beautiful Amharic flowing from his lips. He knew exactly where to go, whom to speak to and never took any flack. He ushered us to sit at a desk while he sorted through the paperwork. Soon he pulled out a big file for Fikir Joshua Mann (this is the name she will come home with!). The clerk looked it over very carefully, and then looked at our passports too. The other babies came up with their nannies and went through the same thing.

We then stepped outside behind the main building to get her passport photo taken. We were met with another 300 waiting Ethiopians. Again our lawyer launched into decisive action, going in and out of little rooms looking for the very next available slot. Fifteen minutes later we were ushered down the outdoor corridor into a room with three photo stations. Our lawyer instructed Josh to put his foot on the chair and place Mercy on his knee facing the camera. Silly baby kept looking away and closing her eyes and we had to take the photo six times, all the while both me and our lawyer were making loud, ridiculous noises to try to get her attention. It was pretty funny. An hour after we arrived, we walked back down the long, steep steps wondering what our odds were for finding out driver again. Suddenly he steps out in front of us and walks us to his car, which is just jammed packed in the middle of a taxi sea. Somehow he maneuvers his way out and we’re back home in time for lunch!

We really enjoyed that hour because it is something we would have never seen or experienced any other way, even if we came as tourists. To see so many beautiful Ethiopians dressed in their best, at a big, bustling compound right in the middle of town was a treasured experience. I loved watching our lawyer work and watching immigration handle the influx of people; they all took their jobs very seriously and for as long as the lines were, people seemed to move in and out with smooth efficiency. And they were all patient. I couldn’t help but think of how antsy and irritated most of us Americans would be if we had to endure such a long wait simply to drop off our passport application (most of us would get irritated waiting in line for Space Mountain at Disneyland!). Anyways, it was a cool experience and it put us one step closer to Embassy. No news yet, but we will keep you posted, of course. Please continue praying that all of our documents arrive and are collected in a timely manner! Still hoping for a March date....

A mom for three weeks.

2011-03-15T11:08:00.000-07:00

Today (Tuesday) marks three weeks since we passed court and took custody of our beautiful little baby, Mercy Bear (Mercy Michael Fikir Mann is her official name). These weeks have been filled with many firsts for all of us and we still can’t get over how much we love Mercy, how beautiful she is, how generous Christ has been with us, and how much fuller and richer our lives are since becoming a family. Seasoned parents have told us repeatedly that having children so profoundly expands your understanding of love, so enriches your receptivity and sensitivity to Christ’s love for us. We are seeing just how true this is. How incredibly wonderful it is to freely receive, to freely accept the gift of Christ’s unconditional, no-strings-attached, love for us. His forgiveness, mercy, patience, grace are new every morning.

In the evening when Mercy goes down for the night, we feel the satisfaction of another full, fun day with our daughter. We order dinner, watch Planet Earth, enjoy the few precious hours as just the two of us, and then we fall into a well-deserved slumber. And yet, every morning, at the sound of even the faintest whimper or babble, we find our patience, grace, energy and enthusiasm renewed; we are thankful for another day with Mercy. Although God never sleeps or slumbers, I imagine this must be similar to the abundant love and mercy that is ours, new every morning. He is a faithful father at the ready with all the love, patience, grace and forgiveness we could ever need.

It’s down pouring today, which is an unwelcome reminder of home. Come on sunshine! We had planned to go swimming at the Sheraton today, but we will settle for another delicious meal at Island Breeze. Their chips and salsa and chicken quesadillas are to die for. And if you know me, you know how much I love, love, love Mexican food. Last time we were at Island Breeze, Mercy had a suspected diaper blowout and needed a change ASAP. This sounds easy, but while American bathrooms have that nifty pull-down changing stations; Ethiopian bathrooms are um, lacking. So usually if the floor is decent enough, we throw down the changing pad and in 30 seconds, with four hands helping, we get her changed. This time, a bit over-confident really, I decided to go at it alone.

The floor in this bathroom area wasn’t too nice and was sort of exposed to the front door. I opted for a bathroom stall instead as Wes and Nina said they’ve changed their kids on the closed toilet seat before, no problem. Well the stall is so small I can barely turn around. I’m holding Mercy, trying to unzip the backpack and find the changing pad and wipes. I drop all these clothes on the floor (packed for the baby photo shoot), which is not where you want your clean baby clothes. I try to set out the changing and lay Mercy down. She is a tad too long for this set-up. As I try to bend down to take off her diaper, I smack my back against the closed bathroom door. I take the diaper off (no blowout after all) and while I reach for wipe, Mercy pees all over herself (rookie mistake, should have had the wipe in hand). I immediately pull her to standing so the pee doesn’t get on her back, onesie and hair. In doing so the changing pad falls on the floor, along with the wipe and clean diaper. COME ON.

I’m sweating and trying to laugh (this is what relaxed Type B parents would do in such a trivial situation, I tell myself), but in the midst of my fake laughter I realize have to pee, so I’m kind of doing this weird side-to-side sway thing, which is distracting me. Mercy is now annoyed this is all taking so long and starts to into a pre-cry whimper along with aggressive wiggling (so I know she means business). This starts to stress me out. I attempt to send Josh a mental message and silent cry for help (two extra hands and one extra calm demeanor, please!). While I’m sending him the mental message Mercy almost falls off the toilet seat into the trash can. I finally wrangle the diaper on her and snap the onesie back on. I pick her up, hover over the toilet seat so I can turn around and open the door. I grab my now empty backpack and hold all of the changing supplies and clothing in my hands, then walk back across the restaurant as calmly as possible, before arriving at the table and (a little too loudly) announcing my epic failure (perhaps a smidge over-dramatic now that I reflect on that scene).

Then I noticed my chicken quesadilla had arrived. I hand Mercy to Josh, roll up my sleeves, slather on hand sanitizer and all is right in my little world once more. Bon appétit! :-)

Shots from the Sheraton

2011-03-14T22:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Erik and Nina's mom for making this Norwegian number!

"Say what? It's time to eat?! I'm in!"

So nice to lie on soft, green grass

I just love this one. We love her!

Man, it was bright out, but this little Cabbage Patch Kid is so cute!

A big thanks to our "personal photographer" Nina Mullins.

A day in the life

2011-03-13T05:54:00.000-07:00

Amazingly, Mercy sleeps from about 7pm-5am, then again until 8:30am, at which point she starts babbling and laughing in her crib as she stares as her feet and shoves her fist in her mouth (teething!). She is eating like a champ and gaining weight. She almost lives up to her pre-referral name: Baby Fatty! When Mercy first came home she was eating about 18 ounces of formula a day. Now she’s eating about 24 ounces a day, plus tons of brown rice and a combination of sweet peas, sweet potatoes and carrots (bananas and pears will be introduced soon). Mercy goes back down for a nap around 10:30am and sleeps for about two hours.

Usually from about 6:30-8:30am and from 10:30am-12:30pm I read and write. It really refuels my tank to take advantage of the hours she is sleeping. I’m completely sold on my Kindle. Love it. So easy to buy new books without adding any weight to our luggage. I’ve read The Help, American Wife, a silly chick-lit novel by Marian Keyes and now I’m reading a book called Priceless by Tom Davis, the president and CEO of Children’s HopeChest (hopechest.org). Children’s HopeChest is a global ministry that empowers people to care for orphans in Africa, Russia, India, Latin America and Eastern Europe. Priceless is a novel set in Russia about human trafficking and the sex-slave industry. Both Wes and Josh read it in one day, it so captured their attention.

Most every day we take an afternoon walk to Kaldi’s Coffee (which, down to its logo, aprons and café style, looks like the long-lost twin sister of Starbucks). It takes about 15 minutes to walk each way and we usually travel as a group of seven: Josh and I with Mercy. Wes and Nina with Alex and Eliana. We enjoy mango juice and macchiatos, sometimes ice cream and cheeseburgers with fries. Today we are going to an awesome restaurant called Island Breeze (which we all said we’d go to when we had anything to celebrate, but honestly today we all quite simply need a pick-me-up) and then to the Sheraton for a baby photo shoot (no swimming today since it’s chilly). We’ve enjoyed pizza, Indian food, Ethiopian versions of American food and plenty of Injera and Tibs (Ethiopian food).

Mercy only occasionally sleeps in the afternoon these days. She gets bored if we stay in, but sometimes our afternoon adventures leave her a bit over-stimulated. She’ll often fall asleep in the Baby Bjorn on the way back to the guesthouse, but wake up soon after we put her in her crib. In the few moments she is sleeping, Josh and I pull out the computer and watch either an episode of The Unit (Wes and Nina let us borrow a season and we are hooked) or Modern Family (need I say more?). We’re almost done with Modern Family and we finished The Unit last week, so sometimes we pinch hit with BBC News on the guesthouse TV (Glee was on yesterday! In Arabic.).

When Mercy wakes up she looks so darn cute! Her big eyes and cheesy smile are the best. Secretly, I think Josh and I both try to be the first one to the crib to pick her up because she is so cuddly and smiley those first few minutes. She loves being on her tummy these days and chewing on Sophie the Giraffe’s ears. If we had room for one additional item to bring with us, I’d have to say it would be the Bumbo. The Bear is the definition of a ‘Supported Sitter” and she would both thrive with the help of the Bumbo sitter. As it is, the Bumbo is sitting in her closet at home and we prop her up against the pillows on the bed. It works.

Around 5:30pm, if we aren’t getting ready to Skype with our family, we usually head out to purchase water, some instant noodles (which we eat for lunch most days), snacks (Pringles type chips and Snickers if we splurge) and fruit (pineapples mostly, and lime, which we put in our soda or water). Then it’s bath time in the sink. Mercy loves baths. She doesn’t so much love being slathered with coconut oil from head to toe. As soon as the PJ’s go on she’s happy and sleepy and goes down without a peep.

Almost every evening, once the babies are all asleep, Wes, Nina, Josh and I order dinner, which is delivered to our guesthouse. Sometimes Josh walks down the road to pick-up Indian food (to die for). We spend the evening catching up, comparing parenting notes, talking about movies and our jobs, our church experiences, our families and friends, and our hopes and anxieties about being back at home. I don’t know what we would have done without Wes and Nina here to do life with. It’s strange to think that soon they will head back to Kentucky and we won’t see them again for a long time. Thankfully, Nina is Erik’s sister so it’s a given that at some point they will venture out to Oregon for a visit. Around 8:30 Josh and I head back to our room (which is next door to Wes and Nina’s) more tired than we ever expect and even if we try to watch a movie, we usually decide to turn out the lights around 9:30pm.

All in a day’s work!

Reflections from Addis 4

2011-03-12T05:53:00.001-08:00

I must apologize for my two-week absence from the blog. We’ve discovered its like we are living in a time warp here, where the days just blur together and suddenly a whole week has gone by in the blink of an eye. Had we not brought a little desk calendar I doubt we’d have any idea what day of the week it was, let alone the date. Speaking of which, can you believe we are nearly half way through March? Add to this the intermittent Internet access, one adorable and delightful little baby girl and a terrible cold (sinus pressure, sore throat, coughing, chills, exhaustion) and there you have it: A two-week writing void explained. Still, I’m sorry for falling off the map. Not that I arrogantly assume you have been constantly checking back in for new posts, although I certainly have done that with more than a few adoption blogs as their families reached the court/ embassy process. Adoption really is a team sport.

It’s 8am on Saturday morning. Sadly, it’s cloudy outside, which I feel is an oxymoron at best: Africa and cool, cloudy weather? This weather makes me think of home. I’ve mentioned a time or two that I miss home and the seemingly obvious response is: just enjoy your time in Ethiopia! However these two realities, that of enjoying this season in Ethiopia and being excited to go home, is not mutually exclusive. It’s not one or the other, it’s both/and. Josh and I have found that we both absolutely love this season in Ethiopia and are almost giddy with thankful excitement at the thought of going home. Most days it’s like breathing in, “I love that we get to be here” and breathing out, “Being at home is going to be so good”.

I don’t miss home in a heavy, sad, weary way. It’s not a desperate, anxious pleading to go back home, back to normal. Instead, because our life back home is so rich and full, and because we have been away for so long, we know that we will go back to Oregon with an even greater appreciation for the blessings God has given us. This doesn’t take away or distract us from our time here. We strive to live in the present, fully engaged each day.

Today marks exactly one month since we left from Portland International Airport to embark on a new leg of this beautiful and stretching journey in Addis Ababa. It’s crazy to think we have been gone for four weeks, been in Ethiopia for three and a half weeks, and have had Mercy with us for two and a half weeks. Each day is packed with culture, food, Ethiopian people, new adoptive parent friends and the best gift of all; time to bond and attach with our daughter, Mercy Bear.

We continue to pray for a smooth and swift Embassy process (we are hoping for a March date) and when we have an update we will post as soon as possible. Today’s reading in Jesus Calling began with these words: “Waiting, trusting and hoping are intricately connected, like golden strands interwoven to form a strong chain”.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14

Happy Weekend!

2011-02-26T21:23:00.000-08:00

Today we took our first real outing with Mercy Bear! Last week we took a quick trip back to Toukoul to pick up Mercy’s medical records and a gift the orphanage staff had for her, but that trip was mostly a taxi ride with a twenty-minute pit stop. Today we went with Wes and Nina and their two kids to an outdoor market selling goods made by local NGO’s. This market is hosted a local international church on the last Saturday of every month. We got our Baby Bjorn on (she loves facing out!), packed our backpack with baby goods and climbed in the van. It was so good to be out. I hadn’t left the guesthouse in two days. The weather is positively perfect, about 80 and sunny.

The market was filled with people, lots of foreigners, only a few of which were American. We talked with a girl from Austria (she wanted to know where I bought my 31 Bits headband!) who had just graduated from high school and was completing two months of volunteer work in Ethiopia. Then, a little Ethiopian-French boy of about 18 months walked up to Mercy and I as we were sitting in the sun, kissed her on the forehead and said, “Bonjour!” Hilarious. The market was filled with beautiful handmade products. If you come to Ethiopia I highly recommend visiting. We purchased a painting, a big Orthodox cross, a little stuffed ball for Mercy, a necklace for me and a rhino for Josh’s collection.

Ravenous for the first time in a week, our group headed to lunch at a pizza place. It was my first meal since Tuesday! We had some flat bread with spicy dipping sauce, a big salad and a very good pizza. Satisfied. I think Mercy was jealous of our tasty food, but mostly she enjoyed staring at Alex and Eliana, Wes and Nina’s babies. We popped over to Kaldi’s Coffee before heading home. Mercy was asleep before I even finished changing her diaper.

Neither Josh nor I can get over how absolutely beautiful our daughter is. I know I sound like all adoring parents, but seriously this girl is a stunner. She is the sweetest baby. We love getting to know her and she seems to be thriving with all of the undivided attention from Mom and Dad. Mercy is enjoying tummy time more than ever and holding her head up like a champ. We’re anxious to get her to the doctor in Oregon to treat her cough, but overall her health is good. We’re continuing to integrate her old formula with the formula we brought; it’s all staying down nicely. Her 3-6 month clothing is a bit big on her still, but she is eating more and more. Next week we begin the rice cereal. Man, we know how to party.

In terms of the adoption process we are now waiting on our documents to be submitted to the US Embassy here in Addis. After that, the Embassy will do their investigation and then we will be assigned our date to appear. Once we go to the Embassy for Mercy’s visa and passport we will head home within a day or two. Please be praying this process is swift! An Embassy date in March is ideal.

We are enjoying our time in Ethiopia, but will be thrilled to head back to introduce Mercy to her family and friends and to settle down in our home. I sometimes daydream about walks at Bush Park and going to church and being back with our adoption small group and Thursday night small group. I can’t wait to hug and catch up with some of my favorite people. I try not to daydream too much though, anytime Chipotle, Starbucks or Target pop into my mind, I immediately pinch myself. It’s too soon for that… But seriously somebody better have a veggie fajita bowl for me at the gate when we arrive (Jeanne-Ann and Kynzi how about a trip to Baby Gap on the way home!?)

Family Photos

2011-02-26T11:00:00.000-08:00

Um...Baby Bjorn, can we please get reimbursed in exchange for this ridiculously cute photo? You'll probably sell at least 3 in response. Thank you Mr. Bjorn.

Mann Fam!

More Mercy Pics

2011-02-26T06:31:00.000-08:00

It's official, 'I'm a Mann!'

I'm a big girl (giraffe not actual size)

Yeah, I'm always this cute.

Ready for a big trip.

Reflections from Addis 3

2011-02-26T06:22:00.000-08:00

Today is Saturday, February 26 and we have been out of the country for exactly two weeks. Crazy. We have been attempting to post additional pictures of Mercy Bear (ones with her hair!) for three days, but our Internet continues to struggle. We’ll keep trying.

Since my last post both Josh and I have been very sick. Yuck. Being sick in a foreign country is the worst. I started to feel the bug slowly, just feeling off, feverish, not hungry. Then I felt faint and my stomach had this rumbling feeling that I did not like. Ever since I had H1N1 a year ago, anything that might make me vomit scares me to death. I felt awful and sore and exhausted for about 24 hours before taking a Cipro (thank you Nina!). I drank a lot of water and tried to rest, but by later afternoon I was too weak to hold the baby.

We went to Nina and Wes’s for dinner and I lay on the bed while they ate. After about an hour, I knew I needed to get “home”. One hour after that I found myself hovering over the toilet bowl. I was hoping for that feeling of relief afterwards, like now it was out of my system and I was instantly well, but my stomach continued to hurt and I felt light headed and dizzy. About two hours after I finished my vomit-fest, Josh ‘s started… He experienced it about 12 times. Poor husband.

From about midnight until 4am, I alternately stood on the balcony, sat in the chair and lay at the foot of the bed praying. I prayed God would have friends at home feel prompted to pray. I prayed Mercy would sleep through it all. I prayed with the authority we have in Christ (quietly, but out loud) for any darkness, evil and schemes of the Enemy to leave and called for Christ’s Presence and Angels to invade our room, to surround us, to relieve, comfort and heal us. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Sometimes I begged and pleaded, sometimes I confidently called upon the name of the Lord. For as crappy as the situation was, I was alert and vigilant in prayer, feeling a distinct burden and responsibility to pray for my family. To any of you praying for us between 1-5pm Pacific Time on what would have been your Thursday afternoon, thank you!

Friday we were weak and exhausted. Thankfully Mercy slept until 7:30am and continues to be an easy baby. I was feeling a bit better and was able to hold her, change her, play with her and feed her, while Josh rested. Whenever she slept, we slept. We didn’t eat, but we drank a lot of water and Emergen-C. By late afternoon, we were confident we would live. J Thankfully, we slept great last night and woke up feeling much better today! Phew! Let’s hope that was our one bout with illness while we are here.

Blogging is so non-reciprocal, but I hope all of you who read this are doing well! Wish I could somehow be kept up to date on your lives as well. We think of and pray for those we know read the blog, so feel free to leave prayer requests and updates in the comment section!

Reflections from Addis 2

2011-02-23T23:36:00.000-08:00

Not to keep going on and on about the Internet, but seriously, wow. When it works, it is the most amazing technology ever (i.e. We Skyped from our Ethiopian guesthouse with Josh's dad, Rick, on his iPhone in Minnesota!). When it doesn't work you feel oddly stuck and increasingly annoyed (i.e. "Didn't this JUST work? Why will Skype open but not Twitter?!").

All that is to say it was a minor miracle yesterday when we could finally post one picture of our baby girl. Blogger was working semi-well for the first few days. Now we are using a little tool where I email my posts to blogger and they magically appear. Shout out to Erik, who posted for me in the interim, when we were dying to announce we passed court. Anyway, we are totally rolling with the Internet situation, which is really the least of our concerns. Mainly we snuggle, carry, talk to and stare at Mercy all day long.

Last night she slept from 7:45pm to 3:30am. After a quick diaper change and bottle she went right back to sleep. Side note: She can only keep down the local Ethiopian brand, not our Gerber stuff...yet...I hope. We experienced a twelve hour stretch of her eating 4 ounces and then vomiting 4 ounces, over and over. Poor thing was probably starving. The next morning we decided to try some local stuff, for a mere 93 Birr, or about $6. Small, expensive can. Full, happy baby. Two relieved parents. I finally got a full night sleep of sleep, too. I have been sleeping only about 4-5 hours a night with court and custody and is-the-congested-baby-breathing running around in my mind. But last night I was so worn out from being a mom for thirty full hours, that I slept from 8:45pm-3:30am and then from 3:40am-7:15am! Victory. When I looked to my left at the crib, I saw little Mercy Bear just sucking her thumb and staring at the ceiling. By now we've given her medicine, changed her diaper, lathered her with coconut oil, put in a fresh Onesie and Baby Legs, fed her, engaged in some tummy time and she is once again fast asleep; thumb in her mouth.

Every morning when I wake up, I grab a cup of coffee, my Kindle and my Bible for a little sunshine and a little quiet time. The pace of life here makes it easy to spend time in the Word, praying and listening and assuming the posture that allows His Presence to wash over me. I can't say enough about the daily devotional book, Jesus Calling. I may have mentioned this book even more than Shauna Niequist's Cold Tangerines and Bittersweet books; which is really saying something. Every day it's like unwrapping a gift. I wake up with a sense of anticipation, "What's He going to say to me today!?". I can't remember many times in my life when I have lived with such anticipation at what God might want to communicate to me each day. I'm soaking it up.

Whenever I feel a small sense of wanting to go home, I remember that this is a significant season, not only as a new family, but also as a child of God. I have been sharing all along this adoption journey what God was doing in us as we followed his promptings. We have grown in community, in transparency, in trust and in gratitude. Now as we live and move and have our being in Ethiopia, we continue to lean in to what God wants to do in and through us here. We want all that he has for us. One of the main things that have been popping out at me as I've read Ephesians, Philippians and Colossians is thankfulness.

Sometimes when I travel I read The Message. I know, I know (relax, we have the ESV on the Kindle). I took this particular Bible with me to China, as well, when I poured over Romans for a month. It's a special travel Bible to me. Anyways, The Message is just so incredibly readable and I find myself very drawn to its poetic language. One verse in Ephesians said it this way, "Thanksgiving is our dialect". I felt this phrase was for me. Then as I continued reading, theme of thankfulness kept popping up.

Yesterday, as I was sitting outside on the balcony, I think I heard God say to me, "Bex, you are a passionate, emotional woman. Communication makes you come alive and you capacity for leadership grows as you lean in to me. I have made you exactly as you are and I love it. You talk with your hands, you talk fast, you talk a lot and you can choose how to use this part of your personality. You create vision and get others headed in a focused direction. I want you to remember something: You can use passion, emotion, communication and leadership in a way that just makes noise, which stirs up drama, criticism, conspiracy, gossip, self-preocupation, self-pity and the like. Or you can use these gifts in a way that spurs others on to thankfulness and gratitude. I am inviting you to be a vessel of thankfulness, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances. I am inviting you to live a life that rejoices; always looking for things to thank me for, always on the hunt for the best, not the worst, the bright, not the dark. I am inviting you to choose thankfulness as your dialect." It was a powerful morning. Sometimes I am unsure if I'm thinking thoughts or if the Holy Spirit is speaking, but yesterday I knew this was from Him.

Okay, enough reflections for today! I get a little long-winded. We have few pictures of Mercy to post later today. For now know that, "Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for with a glad heart... Our prayers for you are always spilling over into thanksgivings. We can't quit thanking God our Father and Jesus our Messiah for you!" From both Philippians and Colossians 1. Thank you also for your comments on the blog; Josh and I read every one. Your encouragement and enthusiasm are gifts to us.

Meet Mercy!

2011-02-23T08:30:00.000-08:00

Our daughter

2011-02-22T20:59:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe we have been in Ethiopia just one week and so much has happened in our lives! I apologize in the delay of posts and photos. As of yesterday the Internet here at our guesthouse suddenly stopped working and has been struggling ever since. We finally have our girl with us and we can't even post photos. Frustrating! We are working on it...maybe a trip to the Sheraton is in order. I hear their Internet is super-fast.

Short story since we don't have much time: As you know we went to Court Monday, February 21. We had 99% of our documents in and everything looked great. We were just waiting on one little piece of paperwork from the Ministry of Women's Affairs. We met with our lawyer Friday and he told us that it wouldn't be ready on Monday, but that it would be ready Tuesday morning. Sure enough, we called our lawyer to check-in yesterday at noon and he said we were all clear! Hooray. We had visited Mercy Monday afternoon and told the orphanage we were planning to take custody Tuesday afternoon. Yesterday we got in a taxi at 2:30pm and headed over to pick up our daughter. It was so surreal. We feel for her; lots of change going on in her life. I think she can sense it. Also, she is sick. Fever, cough, stuffy nose. At 3:30pm the three of us piled back in the taxi. I was holding Mercy in my lap....!

We walked back up the long drive-way to the guesthouse and it felt pretty similar to walking down the aisle on my wedding day. Such a big, once-in-a-lifetime moment that you don't want to end too soon and never want to forget. Mercy slept in a crib next to our bed. We have given her a bath in the sink. She has thrown up. She fits into her 3-6 month clothing. We have changed seven dirty diapers so far. We have rubbed her down with coconut oil and swaddled her with the softest Aden and Anais blankets. We are simply in love. She isn't quite sure yet. And that's perfectly fine and normal. As I am typing this now, she just woke up in her crib and is looking at me.... I think she remembers me!

We have told you her first name is Mercy (you can find a whole post on why we chose that first name. I wrote it back in November) and obviously she shares our last name. But she also has two middle names as well. Her full name is:

Mercy Michael Fikir Mann

Michael is my dad's name. I have always had such a strong and close relationship with my father, so we have given Mercy this name because it is our hope and prayer she will enjoy the same kind of healthy, loving, supportive relationship with her daddy.

Fikir rhymes with "thicker", with emphasis on the consonants. No one can say it as beautifully as the Ethiopians. Fikir means LOVE in Amharic, the national language of Ethiopia. This is the name her birth mother gave to her. We will write more about this significant subject at a later time. We absolutely love that she has both Mercy and Love in her name! Wow.

Breakfast just arrived and Mercy Bear is rolling around in her crib, so I'm signing off for now. We will work on the photos soon.

Court Part 2

2011-02-22T08:12:00.000-08:00

This is short and sweet, our internet access is not good. We wanted to let you know we passed court today! Mercy Mann is with us forever (actually she's sleeping in my arms and Josh is typing this). We're enjoying our time at the guest house, we'll be spending the next few days getting to know each other and we hope to have some pictures up soon! Thanks for praying, wahoo!

Court!

2011-02-21T09:13:00.000-08:00

Today was not just another sunny day in Addis Ababa. We will be unpacking the specifics of today over the next few days. Everything that occurred was so significant; we want to process it with God, each other and as individuals, truly treasuring and reflecting on all that took place. This you can be sure of: Monday February 21, 2011 was a good day.

Many of you back home are just waking up to start your week. Happy Monday! We hope your Monday is filled with His Presence, is seeped in trust and thankfulness and is marked by repeatedly casting you cares at His feet. Thank you so much for praying for us as you went to bed last night. Today was our Court Date and we really felt your prayers at our backs as we walked through the day. Our belief in the power of prayer has never been stronger and we urge you to keep praying for our little family. For now, a play by play:

This morning at 2:30am Josh woke up. By 3:30am I was wide-awake. We wrestled with sleep until 6:30am, when we finally pulled back the curtains to watch the sun rise. At 7am I snuck downstairs to the lobby to grab some coffee. I sat on the balcony with my iPod and Jesus Calling. I was overcome with emotion thinking about the day’s events that lay before us. The Jesus Calling reading for today called for trust and thankfulness, two absolutely perfect words for our circumstances. These two words have been playing over and over in my mind for the past twelve hours and have set my focus on Jesus when emotions were swirling.

Around 8am I went back down the stairs to get coffee for Josh and, as always, was winded by the time I made it to our third story room. The altitude here is killer! I jumped in the shower, and then called my parents on Skype so they could pray for us before court. Our driver Mohammed was supposed to arrive at 8:30am. At 8:40am we decided to start walking in the direction he would be coming, because we were supposed to be at court by 9am. We finally see him at 8:45am and Amazing Race style we implore him to drive very quickly; we have a very important meeting! Our Dove lawyer calls to see if we are close; our court proceedings begin in five minutes! Josh looks back at me, “Remember our two words for today”.

At 8:59am we pull in front of the Ethiopian Federal Court and see our lawyer running towards us. He leads us up several flights of stairs and past all kinds of people, then down a hall until we finally arrive at a medium size room. It’s nothing fancy. Some have described it as similar to the DMV, but I think it looks like a mix between an empty classroom and a waiting room at a doctor’s office. We turn to our left and see the other two Dove families we met last week at Toukoul. It was so good to see familiar faces. We catch up on each other’s weekend activities and then marvel at the reality that we are finally here. We are at court, just about to become legal parents of our beloved children. Everyone has his or her moment of emotion, realizing that we have come so far and we are almost there.

We wait about twenty minutes, watching as thirty beautiful and handsome Ethiopians fill the room to wait (and a dozen Italians as well.) It’s overwhelming to know that for half of the room this is a very hard day, while for the other half this is a very good day. It’s tragic and redemptive all at once. At 9:20am we see a small group of Ethiopians get called into the Judge’s office. Five minutes later they come out and we hear, “SOS EE” (the name of our orphanage) get called. Our lawyer looks at all of us and says, “Let’s go!”

We walk into a big office with stacks of paperwork littering the two desks. The Judge is the most beautiful woman and I decide to start calling her The Queen of Sheba (well, just in my head). She takes our passports and leads us through a series of questions. After each question she pauses to look at all three couples to make sure we respond. Her voice is so quiet, I can hardly hear from my seat fifteen feet away. Five minutes later she looks at each couple and informs us where our cases stand. We walk out and back down the stairs to the sidewalk. Our lawyer asks each couple if they have any questions, then answers them confidently. (I love our lawyer more each day. He is respected, competent and kind. For all you waiting Dove families, take heart- this guy is good. You and your children are in good hands!)

I won’t go into the specifics of what’s next for each family, but we all stood there on the sidewalk hugging, wishing each other well, promising to pray for one another, to get together soon (one family lives in Seattle and we hope to see both families again at Embassy), and empathizing as we each go our own ways and learn to embrace our current circumstances. We are bonded forever by this shared experience.

The story of our court day does not end here by any means, but I’ll take a break for now. We hope to have more news for you by tomorrow evening, but what we really need between now and then is for you to continue praying. Please pray for all of the details and for all three Manns. We want you to know how much your comments and emails and notes mean to us. We feel loved and remembered. Now, more than ever, we ask you to continue to pray! God is continuing to work all things together for good.

Stay tuned for more stories, reflections and updates tomorrow. As they say here, “Ciao!!”

Reflections from Addis

2011-02-20T10:02:00.000-08:00

After five days, we are still alive and doing well in Ethiopia. In fact, we just got back from a weekend excursion outside the city (will write more about it another time). It's Sunday night here and the evening winds are kicking in, providing a nice sleepy time breeze. During the day the weather is in the upper 70's and sunny. Don't be jealous, but we're tan. Really bronzed and glowy. Just keeping it real.

Thursday morning we travelled to Toukoul Orphanage again to visit Mercy. This time it was just the two of us and we took a small taxi driven by a young man named Mohammad. He was friendly, his English was very good and he loved talking about America and Islam. It takes about twenty-five minutes to get from our guesthouse to the orphanage. We got just a teensy bit lost and I started to get anxious because every minute spent lost cut into our time with Mercy. I couldn’t wait to see her and hold her again. I was possibly more excited to see her Thursday than I was to meet her Wednesday. Seriously, every hour Wednesday afternoon I would look at our camera at the pictures of her again. I can’t get enough!

At 10:20am we finally drove through the big blue gates and were greeted by one of the nurses. She showed us into a different room this time, on the first floor of a tall building, where I think the children sleep. We walked into a spacious room and saw five other adoptive families already playing with and holding their children. Some were Dove families and a couple families were with a different agency. As soon as we sat down Mercy showed up. She was introduced to Sophie the Giraffe (which she mostly looked at bewildered by the noise it made) and a pacifier (trying this instead of the thumb), which she took at the first and then suddenly was confused by. She chewed it and spit it out and sucked it and threw it. It was a good start.

I am completely head over heels in love with her. I’m just smitten and I feel a deep (and instant) connection with her. I’m so thankful she is our daughter. Mercy was chill again. We aren’t sure if that’s her personality or if she is scared or shy or if it’s a little bit of everything. We are enjoying her just as she is. She coos and smiles and looks intently at Josh and I back and forth; especially right before she falls asleep. We thought that when she woke up from her nap in Josh’s arms she might be startled and start to cry…but no, she just looked at us and started sucking her thumb.

It was sad saying good-bye at noon, knowing we wouldn’t see her again until Monday. All weekend I have missed her. I’m counting down the hours until we can be together again. After we left the orphanage we walked to an Indian restaurant for lunch. Delicious. We also walked to the grocery store for water bottles and snacks. Then, we napped. The time change is still an issue. Friday we woke up at 4:30am. At this ungodly hour the hot water isn’t on yet and we had almost run out of Internet time (we pay by the hour). But we got to Skype with the few minutes remaining and chatted with some of our family.

At 7am Josh walked downstairs to buy more Internet time AND he brought me a cup of coffee. The coffee here is amazing. I love it. What I get from 16oz. at Starbucks, I get in 4oz. of Ethiopian coffee. I pulled the chair out to the balcony to bask in the morning sunshine and warmth. The birds were chirping and roosters were crowing. Our view from the third floor is beautiful. After a few hours we left with Wes and Nina and their family to visit their twins’ orphanage. We got to see all of the babies and meet the staff. They even put on a traditional coffee ceremony for us. It was so special and I’m really thankful for that experience.

Once we arrived back at the guesthouse, Josh and I immediately found a taxi and left for a meeting at the Dove office. We were really excited to see the Dove office and meet our lawyer. The compound is very nice and is located near the British Embassy. Our lawyer is extremely competent and kind. We felt so comforted after our time together. We walked through the court process and turned in some of our embassy preparation paperwork. Our lawyer gave us an update about what to expect tomorrow at our court hearing. I won’t go into that now… all I can say is please continue to pray. Tomorrow is a big day. We should have an update for you by Tuesday evening. I promise to post as soon as possible. Your prayers matter and mean the world to us! Thank you, thank you, thank you for standing with us.

More soon!

We met our daughter!

2011-02-16T08:09:00.000-08:00

Wow, what a day! We met our little baby girl today. So surreal and amazing. At 10am Josh and I, along with Wes and Nina and Bob and Ia, loaded into a van to visit the orphanage. It was our first time seeing the city in day light and there was a lot to take in as far as sights to smells. We are struck at how distinctly beautiful the people are. We are getting used to the high altitude (higher than Denver, Colorado) and pollution. After an accidental drive to Wes and Nina's orphanage, we finally saw the big, blue gates of Toukoul. As soon as I saw the sign, I gasped. Here we go....

We pull in, get out and head into the office where we introduce ourselves to the beautiful woman at the desk. She asked if we were here to see our daughter, using her Ethiopian name, then she showed us into a spacious room next door. There was already another Dove family in the room visiting with their baby boy. Nina had her camera out and Wes had our video camera. After 10-15 minutes, I see Erik's dad, Bob, who has been standing outside, peer into the window and mouth, "She's coming! She's beautiful."

We stand up in anticipation and then a nanny appears holding the most precious, sweet, gorgeous little six month old you have ever seen. She is wearing a pink dress and a white, traditional Ethiopian shirt. She has shoes on and pink socks. Her hair is rock star quality. Willow Smith ain't got nothing on Mercy Mann. Ha! We move toward Mercy and take her in with our eyes, memorizing everything about her. She looks exactly like her pictures, only better. She is soft and smells delicious. She eyes us calmly and smiles. I reach out for her and finally hold her in my arms, kissing her big soft checks immediately. I keep telling her we love her, we prayed for her, God loves her, so many people love and pray for her, that she is chosen, beautiful, taken care of, safe. For the next 90+ minutes the THREE OF US cuddle on the couch.

Mercy is chill through and through. She smiles and giggles when we kiss her nose. She is long, but small. Did I mention her hair is awesome? She sucks her thumb! She looks so feminine and her features are dainty. Her button nose and big eyes melt us. She loves her new baby blanket. The longer we were there the more she would just gaze at Josh and then back at me. Back and forth. She actually fell asleep on Josh's chest. It was the cutest thing. We love her, absolutely love her. We have been smiling non-stop. We finally met our baby! We get to go back tomorrow for two hours and then we may not get to see her again until after court. Ah, we are praying so hard that we pass right away, so that we can get that little munchkin in our arms soon. Thankfully, we have tons of videos and photos. We can share those with you as soon as we pass court. Today was a VERY good day.

We are in Ethiopia!

2011-02-15T21:59:00.000-08:00

We made it! We arrived early last night on our ten hour flight from Amsterdam. We made a quick stop in Khartoum for refueling and to let many passengers off. No one is allowed to board the plane in Sudan and everyone must stay in their seats. We made friends with some people from Michigan who are going to be building a well just forty minutes south of Addis Ababa. There was the most beautiful young Ethiopian woman on our flight. She was probably around twenty, with big hair and big eyes. I couldn't help but think of our dear Mercy. There were also several Ethiopian families with babies and young children on our flight. Man, they are cute!

We got in at 10pm and immigration was a breeze, thanks to purchasing our visas in advance. We found our bags immediately and to our great surprise, Nina and Wes Mullins (Erik's sister and bro-in-law) were there to meet us! Nina and I have become good friends during these past sixteen months and it was such a joy to see them in person. They are in Ethiopia finalizing the adoption of their twin 8 month old babies, a boy and a girl. We got to sneak in to see them sleeping last night and my heart melted. Nina and Wes arranged our driver and we got to our guest house in just ten minutes. We meet up with Erik's parents, who are in Ethiopia visiting their newest grand children, then we took a tour of our rooms, hit the roof to feel the cool evening breeze and then settled into our room. We will be moving to a bigger room soon, once some Canadian families clear out after their Embassy appointments. We will be right next store to Wes and Nina and their twins, who shall be Mercy's best friends. The girls even have matching Norwegian sweaters!

We sort of slept for some of the night. That's the best way to put it. We are in a cute tiny bed, all cuddled up with Mercy's blanket, so it smells like us. We got an app for white noise but I am still awakened by dogs barking and people praying. Finally at 6:20am we decide to officially wake up. We read our Bibles, take showers and as I'm typing breakfast has just arrived. An omelet and pancakes and coffee. This is a big day for us....

In fact, Josh just got off the phone with our lawyer at Dove. I have been excited about the possibility of meeting Mercy today, but holding it very loosely, knowing nothing is a given here. Josh called our lawyer, asked if we could meet our baby today and five minutes later he called us back and said we can go in one hour! That was easy! So it's 8:55am here now and at 10am we will be on our way to the orphanage to meet our baby girl for the very first time. This is HUGE. This is happening! I can't believe this day is finally here! Ah! I have goosebumps and my appetite for breakfast has disappeared. Mercy will be in our arms in 60 minutes.

Amazingly Nina is a professional photographer and she offered to document the whole morning for us. Wes will have our video camera. What a gift! And, we just meet their babies for the first time this morning! They are absolutely stunningly beautiful, little, happy and loved. Eliana is the exact same size as Mercy, so it was a great reference for us. I am so excited. We both are!

Thank you for praying for our time with our daughter, becoming a family. Continue to pray for our meeting today and for our court date on Monday. We love and miss you. Thanks for walking this road with us. We couldn't do it without you.

On arriving in Amsterdam...

2011-02-14T16:10:00.000-08:00

Currently it's 11:42pm our time, which means it's 2:42pm for our friends at home in Oregon. After a lovely Valentine's dinner at a Middle Eastern restaurant, Josh and I are eating some chocolate biscuits (what a great word) in bed, trying to stay awake just a bit longer. We have really felt the jet-lag. Who knew how powerfully overwhelming something as intangible as jet-lag could be? I wasn't prepared for this. I never remember feeling anything like this when we went to China a few years back. Maybe we are getting old? The good news is that most of the jet-lag is over. Ethiopia is only two hours ahead of Amsterdam.

Ah. So much to say, but where to begin? We just booked a taxi to take us to the train station tomorrow morning from our hotel. We will take the train to the airport and board our flight to Ethiopia! Amsterdam has been a lot of fun. It is very cold here and I didn't pack warm enough. Mainly I was thinking of our baby girl and the seventy degree weather in Addis Ababa when I stuffed each bag to the brim. Josh tried to warn me, but I simply didn't think we had the space. Amsterdam is absolutely beautiful and charming and exactly as I imagined it would be. It's my first time to Europe and I'm in love. I hope we can come back someday! Everyone in Amsterdam is so chic in their boots, black coats and scarves. They ride bikes and Vespa's everywhere. Their language is so beautiful. It sounds like German and Yiddish. They are kind and relaxed. But very chic... and skinny. Must be the bikes.

Let's back up a bit. So my lovely parents took us to the airport and we boarded an under-booked flight on Saturday afternoon. The nearly ten hour flight was off to a good start with drinks and a delicious dinner. I read my (new Kindle) book, The Help, and then tried to take a nap. I suddenly hear lots of noise so I open my eyes to see five flight attendants hovering around a passenger just one row up and one section over. A mother with a newborn baby is pacing up and down the aisle, nervously. The flight attendants have gloves and cleaning materials and are talking loudly to a middle-aged man. A horrible smell fills the plane. A few more passengers nearby get up and find seats farther back. The flight attendants coax the man out of his seat and he falls back down. They try again. They get him to the bathroom. He has vomited all over himself and the chair in front of him. Poor man. I can't think of a worst place to be sick; alone on an international flight. I try to go back to sleep, but the smell is tough to ignore. We have five hours left to go.

I rest but as usual, I can't sleep. I rummage around in my bag for my iPod and see the man has moved seats and is now just one row up from us on our side. He looks awful. He looks confused and pale. The flight attendants try to talk with him to get more information and to help him, but he cannot answer them. At first I thought he was simply drunk, but as I watch his mannerisms I get worried. A couple hours later I see he has moved seats again, up one row. As the flight attendants come through with breakfast foods, I see he is slumped in his seat and absolutely purple. One of the flight attendants notices and comes to help him. He sits up but inevitably slumps back down. They try to get his name and find his bag. They ask if he is sore or in pain. I can't hear everything but I'm scared for him and start to pray. They page the pilot. They go on the intercom and ask if anyone on board is a medical professional.

They pull down the oxogen mask but he is too delirious to keep it on. A doctor comes back from first class and tries to help. Soon the doctor is speaking with the head flight attendant. He is clearly worried and is asking if there is anyway we can land this plane. We only have twenty-five minutes to go. The man is unresponsive and I hear them whispering that he may have had a heart-attack, a stroke or an overdose. As we begin to land in Amsterdam we are told to stay seated so medical personnel can come on board to help this man. Three men come charging on the plane. They try to ask questions and help, but it is so hard to get any information out of the man and no one can find his bag or any personal belongings. Eventually they tell us we can exit off to one side of the plane. As we walk past his first seat we can see a big black stain on the floor of the plane where he vomited. Yikes. I prayed he wouldn't die and I hope he is okay. Definitely a very scary experience.

Frazzled but happy to have finally arrived, we set out to find our luggage. Let me sum of the following few paragraphs: From the get-go our luggage is a struggle. My parents helped us from the car to the check-in counter back in Oregon, but as soon as we are on our own it is a bit much. We have these huge backpacks (which probably weigh forty pounds) on our backs and then we have smaller backpacks um, also on our backs/ over our shoulders/ worn in front (so that we look like idiots)... I try to just smile; we are here in Amsterdam, on the first leg of our adventure! We go to the baggage claim and find our checked luggage immediately. One of our bags was open and about to spill, but nothing was missing. We exchange money and set out to find a train.

It's 11am in the morning when we arrive and I immediately notice three things. 1. Everyone is dressed so nicely. 2. I'm cold. 3. This luggage situation is going to be interesting (I say interesting because I'm still trying to be positive and flexible and all that). We finally figure out which train we need to take. Remember, we have essentially eight bags. We each roll two bags and carry two bags. Let's keep this mental picture in mind because this is about to get good (I'm already starting to laugh about it as I type, which is a good sign). We wheel ourselves to the elevator and for the next ninety seconds nonchalantly try to figure out where the button is. Finally the door just opens and we awkwardly roll everything in, just barely wider than the door.

Josh has loaded our two carry-on backpacks on top of to our our rolling bags. They now weigh close to 100 pounds. Also, one of our bags is actually an old-school piece of luggage, rectangular and hard. It has "wheels" but more or less you can sort of push it in one direction. There is no real handle. The train is three steps up. I look at Josh and he just smiles at me as if to say, "No problem". I take a deep breath and lift up, grunting and sweating. I pull my two bags up and smash my foot doing so. Josh tries to come up and as he pulls two 100 pound bags up a steep step, I'm afraid he is going to fall backwards. We hobble to this little tiny square space and look around. The only options are a narrow stairway up or a narrow stairway down. I try to take one bag down and it gets stuck, so I pull and it smashes into me, slamming me into a little door, which I try to push open wide enough to get through, but no dice. I shimmy sideways and tug my bag, again rolling it over my foot. I'm red with embarrassment but thankful to sit down.

After a few stops we practically fall out of the train. Meanwhile, these these cool, skinny, well-dressed European people with their bikes and cigarettes are calmly staring as us, waiting for us to get a move on. We ask some people if we are at the right stop. They speak just enough English to let us know we have gone two stops too far. We wait outside for a train going in the other direction then we haul all eight bags back onto the train and back off once more. Now we need to find a tram.

We walk down some stairs and find a ticketing kiosk. As Josh pays I see a tram go by and immediately decide there is no way this is going to work. This tram is a skinny, small bus, meant for commuters, not international travelers. Josh insists. I disagree with this assessment. Josh disagrees with me (I'm only sharing this because we can both laugh about it now). The tram pulls up and it's go time. Oh man. The door is literally not wide enough for my to put my elbows out. I truly cannot get my bags up the stairs. Somehow we pile all eight bags on the only two available seats. Everyone is staring. Hot tears start pouring down my checks and I stare out the window.

Soon, too soon, we arrive at our stop. Oh, we have to go out the back door? Brilliant. Literally ONE BAG AT A TIME we manhandle those bags from the front seat to the back door. I run over a woman's foot, tears still streaming from my face. I get off the bus, stand with most of the bags, while Josh darts backs inside for the rest. The driver is fed-up so she shuts the door. I have my back to the tram when I hear the door shut and I slowly realize that I am now standing in the middle of a three lane street with seven bags, all by myself. I let out a laugh/sob. This is a nightmare. I suddenly hear the door of the tram open and Josh tumbles out with the last bag. We start to walk across the street, almost get run over by some scooters and then one by one move the bags across the car lane, scooter lane and finally, the bike lane.

We walk through the narrow sliding doors into the hotel corridor. For the second time that day, we are staring at a door we cannot open. We just look at each other, wondering if this is really happening. On the other side of the glass, several thin, relaxed and good-looking Europeans sit, sipping their lattes, pretending not to notice us. Finally we get the door open and walk into the lobby. After checking in we walk through another narrow corridor, in an elevator, through another corridor, a hallway, a walkway, another elevator, a corridor, one more hallway and finally, after a sharp corner, arrive at room 421. We walk into the modern, quiet room and look around in awe. I pull out my phone, it's 2pm. That only took three hours.

Wow! Yes, that was yesterday. We laughed and laughed about how absolutely awful our trip from the airport to our hotel was, but ever since then we have had a great time together exploring this amazing, old city. What a lovely place! A highlight was a 75 minute canal tour of the city. Breathtaking. We've had Indonesian food and Middle Eastern food and a few small coffees. Hooray for Amsterdam. Hooray for us. Tomorrow we leave for Ethiopia (and we are taking a taxi instead of the tram)! I promise to post again as soon as possible, and post pictures too. Thanks for your prayers. Keep them coming!

nursery

2011-02-11T21:40:00.000-08:00

Baby Girl's Bedroom.

Refinished from Goodwill.

FIVE

2011-02-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

Here we are with just barely five days left until we leave for Ethiopia. Honestly, I thought I'd have much more to say leading up to our adventure. I had these high hopes for a post a day until we left. One thing I can say is that I am feeling a lot. All kinds of strong and swirling emotions. Like I wrote in the last post, I'm humbled and deeply grateful; in awe at what we have experienced and who we have become during these last sixteen months. The emotions are so powerfully overwhelming at times.

We have our adoption small group tomorrow night and today when Becca mentioned the yummy soup we'll be eating and the good conversation we'll enjoy it was all laughing and smiling. Then when she mentioned in passing that she'll hug me goodbye, boom- tears started pouring and I gave myself a stern pep talk to pull it together. What in the world. You'd think we were moving to Ethiopia indefinitely. And generally, for an emotional girl, I've been pretty solid during this three month waiting period. These days whenever anyone talks seriously about or prays for Mercy and whenever I say good-bye to someone, I just instantly start crying. Oh dear.

I had a thrilling thought leaving work on Friday, "I just might get everything done/ handed off by Wednesday. This. Just. Might. Work!" That freeing notion sent me into full on nesting mode all weekend. We have been busy! Our whole adoption process has been charted on one very well organized Google Doc. We have been plowing through the "To Do" tab for a few weeks and I'm hopeful we won't be up all night on Friday doing dishes, changing sheets and installing the car seat.

I spent eleven hours on Saturday cleaning everything and washing, drying and folding baby clothes. What a fun job! They smell so delicious and I like holding the clothes up, imagining her filling them out. Our four big bags are packed. We've got two small carry-ons left to fit our clothing and some odds and ends. It's not as much fun to pack our stuff. The nursery is essentially done! We've got two things left to hang and then we are totally finished. I really like how it turned out. I'll show you soon. Promise.

A few quick prayer requests for those of you who like to pray. First, Josh has a cold. It keeps hanging around no matter what he tries. So he feels crummy; low energy, sore throat, stuffed up nose, sinus pressure, the whole nine yards. And who really wants to fly like that, let alone power through their last week of work? Please be praying he begins feeling better soon. Second, in just two weeks from today we will be in court to finalize the adoption of our daughter! We would be so appreciative of your prayers on this front. Our prayer is that we pass court on that day, February 21. Hint: Ethiopia is 11 hours ahead of those in Oregon. So right around midnight Sunday, February 20 we will likely be heading to our court appointment in Ethiopia. Third, be praying that we have an absolute blast in Amsterdam. While exciting and life-changing days are ahead, and while our nerves and emotions are running at full capacity, our desire is to be totally present and to enjoy our forty-eight hour vacation to the fullest; Basically a sweet, sweet time together as two before we are three.

Also:

Hallelujah.

TEN

2011-02-02T22:00:00.000-08:00

Ten days until we leave! Also, I'd give today a ten because it was awesome. And, turns out this post is ten paragraphs long (sorry). My emotions are running so high right now that I'm not even going to attempt to put perfect words to all of my feelings. I will say this; I am deeply and profoundly grateful. The generosity we have experienced through-out our adoption journey astounds me. Ten days before we take-off I am left standing in awe of God's provision through the astonishing generosity of people like you. It's unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life.

Last night after a delicious yakisoba dinner at a lovely little restaurant downtown I received an email from one of my mom's dearest friends (who I've also served with in high school ministry) letting me know they had purchased us an incredibly swanky Ergo baby carrier. What!? I suddenly remembered her saying to me at one of my showers that she and her husband would love to get us something we really wanted or needed and to just let them know how they could bless us. I'd felt so taken care of and so blessed already that I never followed up. Two months later, on the verge of our trip, they suddenly buy us this exact carrier we really wanted but couldn't afford. It is perfect. I'm amazed.

Not FIVE minutes later I get another email from a woman I know from church, who reads my blog and who sent me a very kind and helpful email a couple years ago in the middle of our uncertain infertility season. Out of the blue, she graciously offers to gift us with a baby carrier; any kind we want. She knowledgeably explains the many different styles from sling to wrap and literally offers to go out of her way to get one for us. Just because. My jaw hits the floor.

This morning a co-worker I pray with every Friday comes up to my desk and hands me a soft, gorgeous blanket she knit for Mercy over the last six months. She started this project before we even knew if we were having a boy or girl! It is a hand-crafted labor of love. And big bonus: I know that while she knits, she prays. My heart is full.

Three hours later I head out to lunch with my dear adoptive mommy friend, Becca. She and her husband are in process of adopting their son from Rwanda. It's been a long wait for their referral and unknowns are scattered along the path. We have walked this road together; the highs and lows. They are working at creating some fund-raising efforts to help with their adoption expenses. She buys my lunch and, in the middle of what I know is a tough season of waiting for her, she hoots and hollers and hugs me; simply overflowing with joy for us.

We spend an hour over burrito bowls gabbing away; talking a mile a minute. I tell her the deep stuff, the significant, spiritual and secret parts of this journey lately. She listens. She gets it. As we walk out to the car she hugs me, puts her hand in my pocket and says quickly, "This is something from us for you guys. We wish it was more but we wanted you to have it and know we're with you". Then she hugs me again. I start to resist this sacrificial gift knowing they need this money to bring their son home. She refuses. I tear up and look back at her. We are both choked up with emotion.

Fast forward six hours. It's our monthly middle school volunteer meeting and it's the last one we will be at for a while. We have tacos for dinner. We process and reflect on the first half of our ministry year. We brainstorm our big upcoming outreach; a city-wide Family Feud game night. Just as we're all about to leave, Michelle (the other middle school pastor) invites Josh and I to the front and two gifts are brought out. There is a big one and a small one. Josh opens the big one first. I gasp. I cover my hand with my mouth. I say, "Shut up!!" as soon as I realize what I'm looking at (Such a strange thing to say, I know. Stranger still that I said the exact same thing during our referral call...). The water works have begun...

The exact jogger I have been dreaming of and drooling over for months!

I'm standing there frozen with shock when I hear someone prompt me to open up the smaller gift. I open it up just so slightly, then gasp and freeze again. I hand it to Josh. He says, "Shut up!!" (Theme in the Mann home?). He opens the lid....

A 3G Kindle and a gift card!!! WHAT!?!?! Are they mind readers?!

Then Josh and I sit in two chairs in the middle of the room and some twenty-five middle school volunteer leaders from seventeen to seventy-seven gather around us, lay hands on us and for fifteen minutes pray over us the most beautiful, meaningful, powerful prayers I have ever heard. I lost it. Their prayers were perfect. They really have been walking with us, leaning in, listening, rooting for us, encouraging us, and anticipating the coming together of our God-ordained family. These twenty-five leaders are so excited to meet our baby. They are so excited for Josh and I. They praised God for what he has done.

I'm amazed. I am so deeply grateful.

Eleven!

2011-02-01T07:55:00.000-08:00

February is here! Hard to believe. Our baby girl turns six months old today. Wow, time is flying by and we cannot wait to get our hands on her. I daydream about meeting her every day. I imagine her being placed in my arms for the first time, finally; kissing her, telling her that I love her so much, introducing myself as her mama, finally sinking my lips into those chubby cheeks, reading those big, round eyes, gently touching her small little fingers, stroking her fuzzy, curly hair, feeling her weight in my arms...

Last night at dinner with some friends Josh casually mentioned, "....and we'll all be together...." just right in the middle of talking about a Kindle and real books and suddenly my eyes started pricking with hot tears. We'll all be together. A lot of waiting and wishing and praying and hoping and soon we will all be together. Our own little family.

Did I mention we leave in ELEVEN days? And so, eleven photos:

Been waiting to fill out this work schedule forever!

Head bands from Etsy!

We saved up for these all-in-one cloth diapers. We'll start them when we get back.

Amazing gift for Mercy from my BFF Paula, courtesy of Korea.

Blown away by this gift from a friend I serve with in middle school ministry.

Every night before bed we take down one link. The detail on this gift is amazing. Ethiopian flag colors, a great map and...

...and on the inside of each paper link is a verse with the word "mercy" in it.

Another Etsy purchase.... it's for Valentine's Day!

Three out of four big bags are packed and still some remains. We haven't even started packing our clothes yet!

A few favorites: Starbucks Christmas Blend, Sophie the Giraffe, Anne Lamott, Modern Family Season 1.

Washing bottles and bowls and formula dispensers before their very first use! I was actually excited to unload the dishwasher!

from moms to moms

2011-02-01T07:11:00.000-08:00

Travel Plans; Part 3!

2011-01-28T07:47:00.000-08:00

It's been insanely busy around here recently and I never finished the promised three-part travel plan posts. So let's wrap up this series with some more fun news.

You may have tried to do the math in your head about our travel plans so far: We're leaving on the 12th (in just 15 days!) for a February 21st court date...? Allow me fill in the gaps. Before we actually attend our court hearing on Monday, February 21 we will have the chance to meet and spend time with our baby girl two or three times. The hope is for Josh and I to meet Mercy for the first time on Wednesday, February 16! We are over the moon. Oh, to finally meet our precious and beloved daughter, to look at her up close, to kiss her, to hold her, to smell her, to tell her how much we love her. In order to get some quality time with our daughter before attending our court hearing we will arrive in Ethiopia in the evening on Tuesday, February 15. There is still a lingering gap between our February 12th departure and our February 15th arrival and this leads me to our final piece of travel news:

On our way to Ethiopia Josh and I will enjoy two very special days hanging out in Amsterdam, just the two of us! Call it a Babymoon if you must (although Josh loathes the term). We are really looking forward to having a little space between leaving our busy lives in Oregon and arriving to a whole new kind of life in Ethiopia. Amsterdam will be a sweet middle place where we can breathe, focus on each other, make-out (whaaa??), explore and ease into this new season . As I shared in our first travel post, Josh's parents generously donated their air miles to us for our round-trip tickets. We did some research and found out that taking a 48 hour "stop-over" wouldn't change the amount of miles used; so essentially this mini-vacation is the cherry on top of the already delicious sundae that is our whole ticketing situation.

Now it's back to the packing, final nursery details, preparing the house for the people who will be staying here in our absence and wrapping up loose ends at work. Stay tuned for posts as we prepare to take-off and while we are away. We'll definitely do our very best to keep you updated on this leg of our journey.

Would you start praying with us now that we pass court on February 21? We're hearing that at this time approximately 40% of cases are continued for some reason or another (missing paperwork, usually). This delays the process of us taking physical custody of our daughter and slows down the Embassy process as well. We would be so appreciative of your prayers in this way.

Words for my day

2011-01-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

"Come to Me with a thankful heart, so that you can enjoy My Presence. This is the day that I have made. I want you to rejoice today, refusing to worry about tomorrow. Search for all that I have prepared for you, anticipating abundant blessings and accepting difficulties as they come. I can weave miracles into the most mundane day if you keep your focus on Me.

Come to Me with all your needs, knowing that My glorious riches are a more-than-adequate supply. Stay in continual communication with Me, so that you can live above your circumstances even while you are in the midst of them. Present your requests to Me with thanksgiving, and My Peace, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your heart and mind".

Jesus Calling, January 17

Today is my birthday (I am exactly 20 years younger than our First Lady) and like I mentioned in a recent post, this year I am reading through an incredible book called Jesus Calling. Above are the words written for January 17. As I read them this morning, in the quiet, with a steaming cup of coffee, before the day's festivities began, I was moved by how fitting these words are and how true they ring for my life in this season. It's like He knew...

The first thing I did when I woke up this morning was I look to my right at my sweet husband and then to the left at a picture of my sweet daughter. Immediately my heart welled with deep gratitude. I am happy and healthy, two things I am neither guaranteed nor deserving of, but incredibly grateful to be. Sure, there remains a bit on the home stretch of Mercy's adoption that is unknown and unnerving. Sure, my walk with Christ toward "being made holy" is still in process and imperfect. So I bring those requests to Him. And when I do a deep sense of gratitude truly surpasses every other longing, worry, hope or thought.

Being born in January has meant a couple of things for me personally: 1. I begin a new year of life right around the New Year, so I'm already prepped for introspective reflection on the last year of my life and filled with hopes and dreams for the next year of my life. 2. Living in the Pacific Northwest my whole life also means that I am usually slightly down in the dumps on my birthday. The gray raining winter gets to me by mid-January. This is a simple, uncomplicated reality for me and thankfully, the blues always fade by March. I mention these two facts because yesterday as I was driving to the grocery store I thought to myself, "Tomorrow is my birthday...and I'm not even depressed! Must be the baby on the way...and the healthier-than-ever marriage....and the healthier-than-ever self-worth...and God's mind-blowing provision this year...." On and on the list went. My eyes started prickling with tears of gratitude.

As middle and high school girl I sort of resented being born in the middle of this dreary season. I couldn't put my finger on where the sense of disappointment or nervousness around my birthday always came from, but these feelings would march in, uninvited, year after year. Finally as an adult I came to understand that it was primarily the weather's fault and so I responded to this reality by being very intentional about how I celebrated my birthday (always, always on the actual day). Still, my soul usually begins to flinch a bit around January 12 or 13.

Now although this might seem like a strange birthday post, all this background info is shared because of how significant it is to me that today, January 17, 2011, I am experiencing a life of hope, peace, joy and thankfulness more fully than ever before. I am happy. Happiness is not a very good life goal, but when happiness shows up I absolutely embrace the fleeting, giddy, carefree feeling it is. And I think that's okay. But it's also so much more than happiness.

Beyond the weather, I believe I am growing in my ability and capacity to "anticipate abundant blessings" and to celebrate the every day moments that are God's goodness and graciousness to me. I search for all He has for me and am learning to look to Him for miracles where I once saw only the mundane. Jesus is showing me how to live above my circumstances even while I am living in the midst of them. He is growing in me a heart of thanksgiving and demonstrating his ability to guard my heart and mind with His peace. Therefore I am enjoying His presence like never before. So as I enter this next year of my life, I can testify to a heart made alive by His love and faithfulness and beating with truth and gratitude.

"My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant...for the Mighty One has done great things for me- holy is his name". Luke 1:46

Travel Plans; Part 2!

2011-01-10T20:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I shared the amazing gift from Josh's parents of two round-trip tickets to Ethiopia, which brings me to our second exciting piece of travel news.

In March 2010 the Ethiopian government announced a significant change to the Ethiopian adoption process, requiring adoptive parents to make two trips Ethiopia instead of one. The short, non-flowery version is this: The first trip is to meet the child and attend a court hearing, becoming legal parents of the child. The second trip is several weeks later to take custody of the child and to attend the child's US Embassy appointment (getting their Visa to bring them home to the US). So normally one set of round-trip tickets to Ethiopia would cover one out of two trips. However....

Josh and I have decided to take one extended trip to Ethiopia! This means we will fly to Ethiopia in February to meet our daughter and attend our court hearing and then, instead of traveling back home to wait on our Embassy appointment, we will stay in Ethiopia with our daughter. We will take custody of her just as soon as we pass court, so the three of us will be together during the majority of our stay. We are absolutely pumped!

We actually landed on this option in late summer, but thought it wise to wait on sharing this piece publicly until we were a bit closer to taking off. We know things can change in the blink of an eye when it comes to the international adoption process. So assuming everything stays just the way it is, Josh and I will fly out February 12 and arrive home with our daughter sometime in April (fingers crossed!). I am on staff at the church full-time, so my maternity leave will begin as soon as we take off. Thankfully, Josh (also on staff at the church) has enough vacation time saved up, which he will use while we are living in Ethiopia for 5-8 weeks.

We are excited to have these special weeks in country to explore our daughter's birth place and immerse ourselves in the culture. As an added bonus, taking one extended trip is actually less expensive than taking two shorter trips. We also get a bit of a head start on attachment and bonding before we fly back to the hustle and bustle of daily life, surrounded by our amazing friends, family and church community. This time together in Ethiopia will be focused on just the three of us; mommy, daddy and baby.

We may unpack additional trip details as we get closer, so feel free to post your questions in the comment section. In terms of in- country housing, we will stay at a guest house (hotel with living space, designed for extended stay) that looks something like this:

Tegen Guest House (not where we will be staying, but gives you an idea)

This concludes Travel Plans; Part 2! Thanks for following along! Any other adoptive families that have stayed in-country between court and embassy, or are planning to? Would love to hear from you and about your experiences. Next up: Travel Plans; Part 3!

Would you start praying with us now that we pass court on February 21? We're hearing that at this time approximately 40% of cases are continued for some reason or another (missing paperwork, usually). This delays the process of us taking physical custody of our daughter and slows down the Embassy process as well. We would be so appreciative of your prayers in this way.

Travel Plans; Part 1!

2011-01-09T21:28:00.000-08:00

We have our tickets to travel to Ethiopia! It feels good to have these booked and to know exactly when we will be leaving. There is still so much to do before we take off so the count down helps us be productive. As I type Josh is upstairs painting the walls of our daughter's nursery. Things are really coming together and we can't wait to show you some of the things we have been working on. We're having fun! Alright, back to the travel plans. It's official: we leave Saturday, February 12, 2011. AKA: 33 days from now. But that's not all! There are at least three amazing pieces to this particular part of our adoption journey.

First, a few weeks back I was up in Portland for a Baby Shower with my high school friends (which I still haven't posted pictures from. Wups.), and then to welcome home friends from our adoption small group who were arriving from Ethiopia with their 8-month old twin girls. I was with my sister and other friends from our small group while Josh was back here leading the Saturday night service.

The Camera Crew

Our friends, now a family of six!

We were running a bit behind schedule (late flight, long wait at a restaurant, and then an impromptu shopping trip to Baby Gap) and I was feeling guilty for deserting my husband for thirteen hours. I texted him to say we'd be home in an hour and he wrote me back with some fun news; a shower gift from his parents had arrived and he was going to wait until I arrived home to open it (which is incredibly kind of him. I wouldn't have lasted 30 seconds!). Josh's mom had been asking us about a car seat earlier in the week and so we assumed they'd gotten us something from our registry, which had me pumped.

When I arrived home I immediately asked where the gift was and he told me it was on our coffee table in the other room. Oh. If it fit on top of our coffee table it wasn't a car seat or a stroller or a jogger. I mentally got back on track, reassuring myself that they had gone through the time and effort to make something sentimental and memorable for our daughter. We walked out to the living room and I saw a long, narrow, nicely wrapped package. I sat down and Josh told me to open it. Inside the box I saw this...

My heart stopped. My mind went blank. WHAT? I looked up at Josh and tears started streaming down my face. Was I really looking at two tickets to Ethiopia?! I started jumping up and down, screaming and praising God. I noticed Josh wasn't shocked as I was so I asked if he already knew. Turns out he had been on the phone that evening, while I was at Baby Gap, working out these details with his generous and thoughtful parents. Using their airline miles, Josh's parents gifted us with two round-trip tickets to Ethiopia! They wanted to get us something we really wanted and needed and decided to check out their miles, just to see. Usually international flights would have used twice as many miles as the ones needed for our round-trip to Ethiopia. Josh's dad made up these fake tickets, Josh printed them out to look like the real thing and wrapped them just before I came home! WHOA! Another example of God's incredible provision in this process. Our gratitude is DEEP.

Yikes. This post is getting super long so I'm going to wrap it up for tonight. There is more fun news to share so check back in the next day or two!

Is it too late to talk about the New Year?

2011-01-07T16:30:00.000-08:00

"I am able to do far beyond all that you ask or imagine. Come to Me with positive expectations, knowing that there is no limit to what I can accomplish. Ask My Spirit to control your mind, so that you can think great thoughts of Me. Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in the situation. Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for My glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life."

- Sarah Young, Jesus Calling, "January 6".

My husband sent this short devotional to me yesterday morning, knowing this was just what I needed to read. These words really spoke to me. I share them because maybe they will speak to you in some way, too. In these first seven days of 2011 I have read post after post about not making goals or resolutions for the New Year. It's hard to keep up with those long, ambitious lists after a few ~~days~~ weeks, I know. I do wonder from time to time, however, if the beginning of this New Year could be the beginning of something new God wants to do in us or to show us about who He is. It could be that this is the perfect time to start doing something new, to make plans for changing aspects of our lives, schedule, priorities, resources, etc.

I think the New Year (am I supposed to continue capitalizing these two words?!) gives us an opportunity to pause, reflect, listen and respond. I don't want to miss whatever he wants to say or show me. I don't want to miss anything he is calling me to do or to become. And not because I'm extra spiritual or anything, but just because I'm so completely capable of making a total mess out of my life that I quite literally can't afford to miss what he has for me; I need him that much.

I have a short list of resolutions for 2011; things to do more of (go to bed earlier, floss, run) and things to do less of (soda, fast food, complain). I did this last year too and it worked out pretty well. These kinds of goals take a bit of the pressure off. There is nothing to do or not do every, single day. At first I kind of missed having a tangible, measurable goal, but I didn't feel like there was anything that needed to be that black and white this year...

Then I came across the book Jesus Calling, which is where the devotional I quoted above is from. This book speaks to my soul because each thought is written like it's from Jesus to me. This is something I feel drawn to each day. It takes about 1 minute to read, but the thoughts and feelings it provokes linger in my mind all day long. Reading this book in 2011 is very simple, but I have a feeling I'm going to be surprised at all that I discover this year as I read through it day by day. I know I'm especially looking forward to reading it each day we are in Ethiopia (more on that soon), where my schedule will be less full and my heart will be overflowing.

Anyway, I wanted to share this book and the quote from yesterday with you, just in case you'd be interested. Blessings to you and yours as we begin the second week of this New Year!

It begins with two

2011-01-01T23:50:00.000-08:00

This year begins with just the two of us. Just the two of us has been and still is very good. We are a dynamic duo. This is, however, the last year that will begin this way. As we begin this new year we are at the door step to a whole new world. We are thrilled about what 2011 holds.

This past week we drove up to and back from Wenatchee, WA (Josh performed the wedding ceremony of two middle school volunteer leaders), which means we had 13 hours in the car, round-trip. On the way home we talked about the new reality that is truly about to be ours... It sparked so many new and even surprising emotions in my heart, even after 15 months on this adoption journey, even after three plus years of yearning to start a family.

We have six weeks until we fly to Ethiopia to meet our baby girl for the first time and then stand before a judge to legally become Mercy's mom and dad. These next six weeks are filled to the brim; preaching, weddings, the national championship game, meetings, errands, chores, planning, our birthdays, classes, nursery prep and much more. I don't want to miss one single moment. I want to embrace the month of January like never before, cherishing each memory and every day with Josh. This month is precious and I want to remember all of it. It will take discipline to resist the temptation to run ahead with future thinking.

2010 was amazing in many ways and very hard in many ways, both publicly and privately. We've been through a lot and have learned so much. We enter 2011 extremely grateful. I will never forget 2010 and the many lessons and blessings God had for us, but I am simply stoked to begin fresh in 2011. Here we go!

He Answered Our Prayer: Court Date by Christmas!

2010-12-24T12:40:00.000-08:00

As you know, we have been praying since November 9 (our Referral day) that both our paperwork would be submitted AND our Court Date assigned by Christmas.

Two weeks ago we got an update from our agency which made this Christmas wish look like a long shot, but we truly felt God beckon us to continue praying towards this end.

Just two days after that we got the shocking and thrilling news that our documents had been submitted to court! We were amazed.

We kept praying for our Court Date to be assigned by Christmas, knowing our agency's office was closed on Christmas Eve. Yesterday came and went. We were doing alright. So many things to be thankful for. In the spirit of gratitude, Josh and I invited my family to have a crepe and coffee breakfast at French Press this morning before everyone headed off to complete their last minute Christmas errands. As soon as we brought it up my mom and sister were suspicious that we secretly had our court date. Nope.

This morning I came downstairs to let the dogs out before jumping in the shower and heading to breakfast. I checked my text messages, then saw I had a couple of emails. I literally did a double take when I saw the words, "Court Date!" in the subject line of the newest email (sent at 8:30 am this morning!).

I ran up the stairs to our room, yelling Josh's name the whole way. Out of breath and overwhelmed I blurted out the good news. We got our court date by Christmas! Unbelievable! Thank you, Jesus.

After a few seconds it occurred to me to actually read the email. Our court date is Monday, February 21, 2011! This is the day we legally, officially become Mercy's mom and dad! I was both pumped and surprised. We finally have a solid date of when our little Mercy becomes a Mann, but the date is so far away. I'm still wrapping my heart and mind around that part. We are rejoicing for sure, but it wouldn't be honest for me to pretend that the date didn't surprise me. Our agency said court dates are usually scheduled 6-8 weeks out and ours is right at the 8 week mark. We sincerely and whole heartedly praise God for this Christmas gift! It's all we wanted this year.

We were so excited to meet my family for breakfast with this amazing news to share! We quickly made a little calendar with our court date on it rolled it up like a scroll for them to open. We didn't say anything. We just watched them suddenly get it. They were pumped!! My sister figured it out first and I can proudly share that her first words were, "Liar!!!", thinking we'd been keeping this a secret since she asked yesterday. Hahaha.

So the count down is on folks! As I type this Josh is sanding our $25 Goodwill dresser so we can make it into something beautiful for Mercy's room! We have a lot to do in the next 8 weeks! Most likely we a will fly out of here on Valentine's Day (my favorite holiday) to go meet our baby girl!!

First Baby Shower Highlights!

2010-12-19T11:27:00.000-08:00

Nothing like a full house on a cold winter's day to celebrate Baby Mercy with so many dear friends!

Pure joy! I'd been dreaming and wishing and hoping for this day for so long! A baby shower for OUR baby! God is good.

My mom is the best and I hope I can make her proud as I mother Mercy!


My sister hosted the shower for me. She took care of every single detail. It was perfect. She means so much to me. (Mercy's photos and full name were on the TV behind us so I needed to blur it out, for now!)

Mercy got majorly hooked-up with some awesome clothes, books, toys and bath time goodies!

I wondered if this little North Face number came in my size! Thanks to our adoption buddies Erik and Jeanne-Ann for this cute gift! Their daughter Kynzi is in 6th grade (and in my small group) and I was at her baby shower 11 years ago! Maybe Mercy will attend a baby shower when it's Kynzi's turn to be a mom?! WOW! I love these long friendships.

And then the tears came. My best friend Paula made me a surprise video from Korea to affirm and uplift me. I was in shock! What a meaningful gift. I missed her very, very much that day.

Then, BOOM! More tears because round two was a video from my best friend, Jocelyn, who live in Jordan. She is pregnant with her first baby, a son, due in February. I wish we could walk this road to motherhood on a daily basis. She is such a sweet, kind, wise friend. I missed her and all of my far away friends that day. These videos are gold.

Another adoptive momma! Becca (yes, we have the same name....and her husband's name is Josh, too!). She and I walked the ins and out of the grueling and fulfilling adoption journey. She has a son on the way from Rwanda. Her friendship is a total godsend. I love her!

Well my goal was to get a photo at the beginning of the shower with everyone who attended, but I totally spaced it. So this is a shot of many of my friends (mostly friends I serve with in ministry at the church) who showered our family with words of affirmation and lovely, generous gifts. Their support, care and encouragement along the way has been and continues to be priceless. We are blessed beyond measure to have such incredible people in our lives.

P.S. Our paperwork has been submitted to court! Now we continue to pray with faith that our court date is assigned by Christmas!!! I'll keep you posted!

lunch break updates

2010-12-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

On Sunday afternoon my amazing sister threw us a beautiful, meaningful baby shower; inviting many of my dearest friends to join in the celebration with kind words and generous gifts. It was my first ever baby shower and it far exceeded my hopes and dreams. I was deeply honored and Mercy was absolutely celebrated. Growing up I was one of those girls who looked forward to and day-dreamed about being a mom even more than my wedding day. I've got some fun pictures of the shower that I will have to post soon. I realized after it was all done that we had Mercy's photo up in the background all afternoon, so many of the pictures need to be edited to protect her cute little face.

Speaking of her cute little face, we got our November update this week, which included a medical report and two amazing photos. Seriously, she is beautiful. Her big eyes, her button nose, her delicate lips, her attentiveness and alertness, her smooth chocolate skin, her sweet little hands, her playful smile and wild hair...it melts us. Mercy Bear is thriving. She is growing and gaining weight and developing well. We love to look at her picture, kiss it and we or may not have placed her picture in the stroller last night as we wheeled it around the living room. Our hearts' are bursting with love for our first-born baby girl.

It has been exactly one month since we got The Call that we had a three month old daughter. This month has actually flown by as we have enjoyed sharing our good news with friends and family, building a table, dreaming up her nursery, celebrating Thanksgiving, continuing to pursue health and wholeness as individuals and cherishing our marriage.

At the one month mark we had hoped to receive word that all of our paperwork had been successfully submitted to court. In recent months, this has been both possible and probable. Unfortunately time lines seem to be expanding these days. We once had hopes of a late January travel date, then we heard February was more realistic and now it seems mid-late March is most likely. CRUSHING BLOW. While we aren't sure if this is more indicative of our agency specifically or the Ethiopian adoption process in general, it is incredibly heart-breaking and confusing.

However, since nothing is set in stone yet we are taking that to mean everything is still up for grabs.Therefore we are calling upon all praying people, far and wide, to join us in asking for God's favor in this process; that he would expedite every aspect (from our documents, to our lawyer in Ethiopia, to the Ministry of Women's Affairs, to government officials and judges) and allow us to travel in February. We would love for you to join us in prayer. We are grateful for your support and investment in our journey to becoming a family.

Today we are specifically praying that our paperwork is submitted AND our court date is assigned by Christmas. We know this is totally possible (For some of you, the verse running through your head right now is Luke 1:37, "For nothing is impossible with God."). Last night my friend Paula prayed these Biblical words over us all the way from Korea. They were just what I needed.

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family on heaven and earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or even imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen!"

Life Lately

2010-11-30T19:24:00.000-08:00

It's been three weeks since we received our referral for our baby girl, who is four months old tomorrow. She is healthy, little, beautiful and we love her. We cannot wait to get her in our arms. Please continue to pray for a smooth and efficient court process. Currently we are waiting for our paperwork to be submitted to court. Shortly after that we will get word on our court and travel dates. We'll keep you posted once we get some news. Please pray. We just want to be with our daughter.

In other news, we have had so much fun creating a registry for Mercy using this great website myregistry.com. You can compile goodies and gear from any store all in one place. You can import registries or just add as you go using a simple button on your web browser. Love it. So simple. There have been so many times I have randomly found something I like while reading someone's blog and all I have to do is simply click "Add to my Registry" and boom, it's there. I am blessed beyond words to have baby showers coming up! I could not be more excited to hang out with so many friends and family members to celebrate Baby Mercy and this amazing adoption experience. Today an early gift from my dear friend Paula, who recently moved to Korea, arrived in the mail. With her permission I was allowed to open it early! So. Cute.

All-in-one ruffle skirt with tights! And stripes!

This weekend, on a surprisingly sunny, cold Sunday morning, after a quick trip to Starbucks, we redeemed a recent Groupon at a local Christmas tree farm. We cut down our very own tree and had so much fun! We picked a big, beautiful Douglas Fir. And oh my goodness, it was one l-o-n-g walk back to civilization carrying that eight foot beast. Last year we snagged a tree from a parking lot about 9 seconds before Christmas so needless to say this year we were itching for totally different experience. Just three days after Thanksgiving our tree was up, twinkling and making the whole house smell amazing. Next up: train the dogs not to drink from the tree stand.

The tree was a fun experience, but it was more or less the side project of the weekend. You see, I've been wanting a solid, big, beautiful dining room table for years. We have been using a small IKEA table my parents bought for my apartment in Seattle seven years ago. It's a fine table. We even painted it a dreamy gray last year. But alas, it only seats up to four people. I'm in a festive, celebratory, give-me-any-reason-to-party season of life so I'm ready for dinner parties with adults and lots of little Mann's gathered around the table.

We looked at a few tables online and found some gorgeous options for $1700-$2400. We were ready to make an investment with this purchase because we hope it will last so long and be used so often, but there is simply no way we can swing that price tag. Not to worry; My gracious and generous husband decided to build me a table for Christmas! Build. It. From. Scratch. So bright and early Friday morning we headed to Home Depot and Rick's Bargain Center to pick up our wood and nails! It's been a long process and my husband has worked so hard. The table isn't done yet, but I just had to give you a sneak peak:

As soon as we get it sanded and stained we will post pictures of our whole process and the finished product. I love this table. I love that my husband built it for me. Priceless.

We've also started to get our heads around our baby girl's bedroom. We hadn't given it much thought before the referral and we spent about a week totally stuck when it came to brainstorming ideas. But this weekend we had a breakthrough. We're ready to prime, paint, refinish, hang, arrange and decorate! We are having so much fun.

That's life lately! Cheers to you!

P.S. Please check out my friend Nina's blog! She and her husband are headed to Ethiopia in six weeks to get their precious twins and are on the last leg of their fund-raising. They are selling some cool shirts; help them bring their babies home!

A Mercy Song

2010-11-17T17:30:00.000-08:00

I have been singing this little tune all week! Love it.

Cute, huh!? Now good luck getting it out of your head!

Her first name:

2010-11-16T22:05:00.000-08:00

Loaded with significance, we landed on this beautiful name several months ago because it perfectly represents both our journey to her and her journey to us. Both journeys include pain and loss, longing and uncertainty, hope and redemption. And right smack in the middle of it all- a steady, sustaining, new-every-morning dose of God's mercy.

We love the first name we chose for our first daughter, if we do say so ourselves. In addition to her first and last names, our daughter has two middle names. One we gave her, one that was given to her. Once we pass court in Ethiopia we will happily, joyfully share her full name, including it's personal and prophetic significance.

Until then; Mercy.

Oh, how we love her.

P.S. Will you pray with us that we get a Court Date assigned by Christmas? It's all I want this year!

gratitude and next steps

2010-11-15T21:25:00.000-08:00

We had a blast sharing our news with you on Friday morning! Fun. Exciting. Overwhelming. Thank you sincerely for cheering and celebrating with us! We were blessed by your enthusiasm and emotion. Like I said months ago, I've had the growing conviction this adoption journey was not simply about starting our family but also learning to live in true community.

Celebration is key to community. We have been and will continue to embrace the discipline of celebration as central to our story. We couldn't do it without you choosing to participate and lean in with us. Josh and I were both so floored that you would be SO excited simply because something SO GOOD happened to us. Sure, you benefit because someday soon you will get to hold and snuggle our child, but honestly when it comes right down to it, you really don't gain much from our news. So to see YOU cry and scream and hug and clap simply because WE heard the news of OUR daughter had a profound impact on us; it's something we will never forget. We are brimming with gratitude.

I know I should go back to where we left off on The Referral Story, but the whole week was just so emotionally intense that I'm still processing it all. I promise to finish the story of how Josh and I reunited, celebrated and shared the news with our parents, siblings and friends. Such sweet memories and conversations filled the days following The Call.

Many of you have understandably asked, "So, now what!?" Now that we have officially accepted the referral of our baby girl we are waiting for our Ethiopian Court Date. Once our paperwork and our daughter's paperwork has been submitted to the court system in Ethiopia we will receive news of our court date (possibly sometime in February?). Then we will pack our bags and hop on a plane to Ethiopia where will be physically present to promise our love and commitment to our daughter for as long as we both shall live! We will meet our daughter for the very first time on that trip! We cannot wait!! We cannot wait to cuddle and snuggle and kiss our baby girl! What a trip that will be! After we pass court will wait for our Embassy Appointment (4-8 weeks later). At that point we can finally bring our baby girl home!

It's important to note that as much as we want to show our beautiful baby to you, we cannot post pictures of our daughter until we pass court in Ethiopia. Additionally, we will also be protecting the privacy of daughter's story at this point in the process. Please pray with us for her continued development, growth and health. Pray that our court process is smooth and without delay. Pray that all of the necessary paperwork is submitted accurately and efficiently. We will keep you posted just as soon as we get word of our court date!

For now, I'll leave you with this photo, a gift from my "Patron Saint", Chels Bell:

Next up....Baby Girl's First Name!

P.S. Will you pray with us that we get our Court Date assigned by Christmas?! That's all I want this year!

While you're waiting

2010-11-15T19:57:00.000-08:00

I know, I know. I'm tardy with the rest of the referral story, next steps and baby name, but... Now you know how we've felt all year! Just kidding. As I work on the next post (hopefully tonight!), please enjoy this Digital Short from SNL:

The Referral Story, Part 1

2010-11-12T11:48:00.000-08:00

Please excuse this long, detailed, excited footage of me processing the news of our Referral in real time! This video is unedited so please forgive my poor grammar and rambling! This gives you all the fun and crazy details of how it all went down on Tuesday when Josh and I got The Call! And yes, this explains why we had to wait so long to share our news with the world!

WE GOT THE CALL!!

2010-11-12T10:20:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday, November 9, 2010 at 12:38pm Josh and I got The Call about our precious Baby Fatty!

At 6 months, 3 weeks and 3 days on the Wait List we finally heard the news we had been longing to receive!

So.....We have a....

GIRL!!!!!!!!

She is 3 months old and absolutely beautiful!

I promise more photos, videos and details are coming very soon!

We are in love!!!!

Thankful

2010-11-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

"Still, when we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares." - Henri Nouwen

I'm extremely thankful to have many friends like this in my life. Tonight, in fact, Josh and I are going to our first ever Africa adoption small group; Just a handful of families from our church who are currently in the process of bringing their children home (from Rwanda and Ethiopia). All of us are waiting, hoping, mourning, celebrating, nail-biting and expecting. Each couple has their unique story, but we all "get it" on a level that is incredibly life-giving. I'm looking forward to swapping stories, catching up, sharing, listening, laughing and perhaps, crying, but more than anything, for understanding, empathizing and caring. In the words of Fergie, tonight's gonna be a good, good night. Woohoo.

P.S. It's been exactly 1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 1 day since we started this beautiful adoption journey to Fatty. Crazy, huh!?

Checking-in

2010-11-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a while. I've been sort of avoiding my blog for fear I will later regret what might come out if I set my fingers free on the keyboard. If I really let myself go some of you might applaud my openness and honesty, others might resent me for whining or compare your own legitimate pain to mine, others may feel compelled to offer bubbly encouragement in attempt to soothe my soul. All absolutely fair.

I can't make sense of or shake what I'm feeling these days. I really didn't see it coming; The feelings or the six-and-a-half-month-and-counting wait for our referral. As ridiculous as it sounds, I feel pressure to produce results. I feel like we need to finally have some good news to share with friends, old and new, and family who have faithfully followed our adoption journey, cheering us on and praying for us. I feel pressure to get over the heaviness and weariness I'm experiencing; like there is only enough grace for me to say no more than three times, "It's SO HARD". Wonderful people tell me all of these nice things about trusting God and his timing and his will and his plan and how the day we get the call I will magically forget the pain of the wait. I sincerely appreciate the heart behind these words. Unfortunately, after a while I interpret this to mean, "Be cheerful, be happy, be quiet". On good days I remember that (most) people do not mean this at all. On bad days I feel shame.

I do know this: I am proud of how I have embraced the first 5.5 months of our wait. I leaned in to "now", celebrated and focused on the present and found joy in the small things. I delighted in spontaneous date nights, a sunny fall season, deep friendships, cute puppies, Pumpkin Spice Lattes, weekend trips, long walks and good books. Maybe I can get back to that spot. Currently I am incredibly surprised with how hard this last month has been/ this very day is. I'm sometimes overwhelmed and often exhausted on this stretch of the journey.

So that's that.

At this point I just have to give credit where credit is due: I have the best partner in the world and I could not do this without him. Dear husband, I am so thankful for you. I love you so much. Thanks for holding my hand and keeping me steady every step of the way. What an honor to become a parent with you. What an incredible father you are going to be.

And finally, I want you to know that in the midst of this season, I still believe God works all things together for our good and His glory. He is with us. He loves granting us the desires of our hearts. I know Him to be good, generous, trustworthy and merciful. While I do not believe His will is always done on earth, I do believe that ultimately all authority and every victory is His. I know that God's love for Fatty far exceeds mine and that He is relentlessly working to bring beloved orphans into forever families.

Re-post: Pumpkin Seed Goodness!

2010-10-19T19:13:00.000-07:00

I posted this one year ago and wanted to share it again tonight!! Enjoy!

It's foggy out too. It's a little bit creepy, like some bloody zombie with an axe could be standing on my back lawn staring in and it would seem to be the perfect graveyard-like environment and scary movie setting. It's also a bit romantic. Dark and foggy and very cold with cars hustling and bustling by carrying men and women to work and students to school. All the while I'm tucked away in my little Cape Cod home with a steaming cup of coffee (in my new mug, thanks Jennie!) and the roar of a space heater. I try not to think about my day yet, or about the rest of the week for that matter. It's too much just yet. For now, for these few precious moments in the morning I am able to live fully in the present.

Last night Josh and I carved pumpkins and toasted seeds. We had such a good time. I recommend this for everyone. It's so simple, pure, innocent and sweet. It's not complicated or rushed or expensive. It's not going out but it's more than just "staying in".

To get you started on your own pumpkin adventure I want to share with you the two wonderful recipes we used to create these crunchy treats. Both recipes are recipes of Real Simple.

Spiced Pumpkin Seeds

Serves 8Hands-On Time: 20mTotal Time: 1hr 20m
Ingredients
seeds from 2 medium pumpkins
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon celery salt
1 teaspoon ground cumin
Directions
Heat oven to 300° F.
Remove the seeds from the pumpkins. Discard the pulp.
Spread the seeds (no need to rinse them) evenly on an ungreased baking sheet. Bake until dried, about 1 hour.
Toss the seeds, olive oil, celery salt, and cumin in a large skillet. Cook, stirring occasionally, over medium heat, until the seeds are lightly toasted, about 3 minutes.

Sweet and Salty Pumpkin Seeds
Serves 8
Hands-On Time: 15mTotal Time: 1hr 30m
Ingredients
2 cups fresh pumpkin seeds (from 2 medium pumpkins), rinsed and patted dry
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Directions
Heat oven to 300° F. Spread the seeds on a rimmed baking sheet and bake until dry throughout, 50 to 60 minutes.
Increase oven temperature to 350° F. In a large bowl, toss the seeds with the butter, sugar, salt, and cinnamon. Return the seeds to the baking sheet and toast, tossing occasionally, until golden brown, 10 to 15 minutes.
Josh took just one bite of our crunchy creations before exclaiming, "Whoa. We're going to need more pumpkins!".

The Whole Thing.

2010-10-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

Please, please read this. The whole thing.

SIX

2010-10-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

Today marks the end of six whole months on the waiting list. We are now entering a new phase of the adoption journey called: Outside-the-average-wait-time-for-our-agency (AKA: nerve-wracking and heart-wrenching). We are working very hard to simply take it one day at a time. At this stage of waiting each day goes something like this:

8am-12pm: Hope rises ; Maybe today will be the day!

12-3pm: Heart-ache and grieving; Nope, not today.

3pm-bedtime: Peace and hope resume. Contentment in and celebration of what is, rather than what will be, is the central focus.

Prayers at this stage go something like this:

"Help me, God. You are good. I will trust you. You will carry me. You have brought us this far. Protect Fatty. Give me enough for today; just today. Be near. Help me."

These are prayed in short whispers and in yearning, desperate moans; reoccurring throughout the day on the way to the copy room, the mail box, the bathroom; uttered in the car, in the shower, in meetings; as I fall asleep and as soon as I wake up.

Perhaps we will receive Fatty's referral by the time we get to November 16! Let's hope so. We will be excited to share that day with you. Thank you for praying, empathizing and cheering us on.