Random November Reflections

No real reason for the title. It's just November and it is lovely out. My mom's birthday was this week. My whole family went to Boon's for dinner and it was just perfect, all dark and cozy with delicious seasonal offerings such as pumpkin ale and sweet potato fries. I got the hummus plate, of course, because I'm trying to get more "real foods" these days. That just means less processed and packaged foods and more real, wholesome goodness like fruits, veggies, food with 5 ingredients or less, and food in which I can pronounce each ingredient in my mother tongue.

My sister-in-law Erin introduced me to a book I really want called In Defense of Food. I've also been reading a book called Skinny Bitch (so sorry if you are offended by that word.... it's the real title of the book). The book is quite fascinating and convicting (not to mention hilarious). It is crazy what you can learn about the garbage you've been dumping down your throat for over 20 years. Plus, I've been feeling convicted in the last 6 months or so to start being a better steward of my body by starting to exercise and eat right. I've already been more committed to getting closer to 8 hours of sleep and I take an occasional pre-natal vitamin, plenty of vitamin C (bc they are chewable and delicious). The working out and eating healthy are struggles for me. I used to eat much healthier but then I got rushed, stressed and overly busy. I'm on my way back though. God has given me this body and a certain number of years to live in it so I need to do better with it, because it's a gift from him.

Tomorrow we leave for New York. "We" meaning the whole staff team at Salem Alliance. Like 30+ of us fools. Should be fun. I haven't been that excited lately because I've been on the brink of losing my sanity but now that work is done for the day and all of the very most important things have been crossed off the list, I can feel my shoulders relax and my brow un-furrowing. We are going to a conference which is put on my our denomination, The Christian and Missionary Alliance (I know denominations are old school but in case you care, ours is the best). The conference is called Rekindle the Flame. We'll be learning and talking a lot about the Holy Spirit, the one Francis Chan calls the Forgotten God. I'm really curious where this will lead me personally, the conversations we'll have and the ways in which His presence will move in and among us. (It is interesting to me that we are totally cool with the H.S. but get freaked out by giving the freedom to responsible adults to enjoy alcoholic beverage. I mean, which one freaks you out more?!).

I was down and out sick for over a week. That hasn't happened to me since I was 18 and spent the whole summer (and subsequent 2 years) suffering from Mono. I would LOVE to tell all of my horror stories (including a drop-dead fainting episode in which I woke up in Josh's arms. If I hadn't been 3 seconds from dry-heaving, it would have been extremely romantic). 103.5 fever. disgusting barf-o-rama. sweating and shivering and massive headache and body aches and a cough that still haunts me, as well as dizziness, a sore throat and the distinct nightmare of not being able to kiss my hot ass husband for like 7 days. It was seriously so bad, you guys. SO BAD. I get really scared when I get sick. And I was scared bad. I finally went to the Doctor after 5 days and he was pretty much too cool for school.He didn't test me for the Swine because he said at that point it didn't matter and I wasn't going to die (really all I was looking to hear). Hey at least I lost 4 pounds.... for 2 days.

I got a manicure and pedicure today. Cranberry toes and a blackish-purple called Lincoln Park After Dark on my fingers. Fun treat.

P.S. Did I mention were going to hunt down and find Whitney Port's condo (from The City)? I'm sure we would be bff's if I could just meet her. I'm sure she will appreciate the effort in the long run.

It's dark out

It's foggy out too. It's a little bit creepy, like some bloody zombie with an axe could be standing on my back lawn staring in and it would seem to be the perfect graveyard-like environment and scary movie setting. It's also a bit romantic. Dark and foggy and very cold with cars hustling and bustling by carrying men and women to work and students to school. All the while I'm tucked away in my little Cape Cod home with a steaming cup of coffee (in my new mug, thanks Jennie!) and the roar of a space heater. I try not to think about my day yet, or about the rest of the week for that matter. It's too much just yet. For now, for these few precious moments in the morning I am able to live fully in the present.

Last night Josh and I carved pumpkins and toasted seeds. We had such a good time. I recommend this for everyone. It's so simple, pure, innocent and sweet. It's not complicated or rushed or expensive. It's not going out but it's more than just "staying in".

To get you started on your own pumpkin adventure I want to share with you the two wonderful recipes we used to create these crunchy treats. Both recipes are recipes of Real Simple.

Spiced Pumpkin Seeds

Serves 8Hands-On Time: 20mTotal Time: 1hr 20m

Ingredients

• seeds from 2 medium pumpkins
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 teaspoon celery salt
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin

Directions

1. Heat oven to 300° F.
2. Remove the seeds from the pumpkins. Discard the pulp.
3. Spread the seeds (no need to rinse them) evenly on an ungreased baking sheet. Bake until dried, about 1 hour.
4. Toss the seeds, olive oil, celery salt, and cumin in a large skillet. Cook, stirring occasionally, over medium heat, until the seeds are lightly toasted, about 3 minutes.

Sweet and Salty Pumpkin Seeds

Serves 8

Hands-On Time: 15mTotal Time: 1hr 30m

Ingredients

• 2 cups fresh pumpkin seeds (from 2 medium pumpkins), rinsed and patted dry
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
• 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Directions

1. Heat oven to 300° F. Spread the seeds on a rimmed baking sheet and bake until dry throughout, 50 to 60 minutes.
2. Increase oven temperature to 350° F. In a large bowl, toss the seeds with the butter, sugar, salt, and cinnamon. Return the seeds to the baking sheet and toast, tossing occasionally, until golden brown, 10 to 15 minutes.

Josh took just one bite of our crunchy creations before exclaiming, "Whoa. We're going to need more pumpkins!".

AcKNOWledgeMEnt

In my own story I have found that acknowledging things lost ushers in a new world of gratitude and appreciation for things to come. I was sorting through some old pictures today and found this:

At first glance there is nothing too special about this picture. Sure, it was a fun retreat to Hood River, OR. Steve took us fishing and we ate that delicious salmon the next day and a few weeks later at Steve's house with our spouses in tow, so proud our accomplishment had scored them dinner. The weather had been perfect. The house where we stayed- beautiful. The food- gourmet. The conversation- challenging. All in all a worthwhile retreat.

But honestly I don't keep this picture around for these reasons. I keep it around because in this picture I was pregnant (and didn't know it yet!). I would find out the very next day. I treasure this photo, study it carefully, close my eyes and remember exactly what I felt that next day. I loved that season of our story. I still love that season of our story.

Of course, you know by now that the baby inside of me did not continue to grow and develop. Eight weeks later we mourned the loss of an unborn child and the pain of a miscarriage.

It's been two years since the miscarriage. The two year mark came and went quietly. But I remembered. I was at Foster Parent Night out watching the adorable kids play kickball and build birdhouses. Though the night was going well, I was struck with a stinging sadness. Here were 50+ kids fourteen and younger who had experienced the pain of being separated from their parents because of their parents poor decisions and addictions.

As a result they were experiencing painful confusion, loneliness and grief in greater capacity than most adults can handle. More often than not these precious children are separated from siblings, taken out of their school and moved from family to family until they are released from the system at 18 (thankfully, because of the sacrificial love demonstrated by hundreds of foster parents many of these children have a better outcome- they are loved, living in a safe and stable home and some are even adopted for life).

Slowly the realization dawned on me that our baby had slipped from us that exact date two years ago. I knew for certain was that divine healing had taken place in my life in the last two years. Praise the Lord. The night quickly turned frantic and busy again and I set about encouraging volunteers, trouble-shooting problems and trying to figure out how to use my walkie-talkie.

I will treasure this picture forever because it reminds me of the happiest time in my life up to this point. The experience of releasing and healing in the last two years has paved the way for the new joy and hope to rise.

Acknowledging we lost a precious baby and that our story didn't turn out the way we thought it would has given way to incredible anticipation of our family to come. We couldn't be more excited and we know that God has a great plan in store for us. What we have lost does not compare to what we have gained by trusting in the Father who loves to lavish good gifts on his children.

Stay tuned....

Move us into action...

Warning: You will cry. And you should. But hopefully you will respond too. Will you DO something?

Many of you have heard of Compassion International, child-sponsorship to release children from poverty in the name of Jesus. I wrote a short blog a while back about a book the President and CEO wrote called Too Small to Ignore, Why the Least of These Matters Most. It broke my heart and released me to respond, quickly. Participating in this kind of simple, unselfish, significant, life-changing, Christ-like and tangible acts of mercy and compassion for those that need it the most around the world as if our own lives depended on it because we know their lives depend on it needs to be pushed up the field with greater urgency than it ever.

We must respond. We must do something. Not later. Now.

This video was made for the Catalyst leadership conference this year (last week) and I PLEAD with you to watch it, at least until minute 13. I know it is long, you can do it. It is worth it. A Compassion Child, now an adult, meets his Sponsor for the first time.

Catalyst 2009 Compassion Moment from Catalyst on Vimeo.

What will your response be? Or what has your response been? Have you been sponsoring a child for years? Taken a trip around the world? Do you participate in the Mocha Club? Care for the thousands of foster kids in your city? Bring in food to your local food share? Serve at a homeless shelter? Put together a Thanksgiving basket? Mentor a fatherless student? Give away your extra clothes? Buy Tom's Shoes? Shop Product(RED)? Give generously of your hard-earned income?

It can look so many different ways! But for those who follow Christ it is not optional. I'll tell you what, you share with me how you are responding to poverty, AIDS, and those not yet reached for Christ around the world and over the course of the next few weeks I will unpack for you what the various Spirit-prompted, God-ordained and Christ-like responses look like for Josh and me (not that we have it all figured out and it may or may not include several things I've already mentioned in this blog... ) What a gift that Jesus allows us as sinful humans to make a difference here on earth for the sake of his name and advancement of his kingdom!

Pierced

It's been two weeks since Psalty the Singing Songbook came back into our lives. What a great day that was.

I'm just about to get ready for church (late, as always) and am finishing the last cup of coffee for the day. In case you were wondering, on Sunday I give myself permission to drink 3 whole cups. This morning I was going to brew my Starbucks Anniversary Blend but went for the Ethiopia Sidamo instead. In just a week or so the Thanksgiving Blend will come out, which is newer, and then comes the blend my Padre and I look forward to all year- Christmas Blend. So good.

Friday I got my nose re-pierced after having it out for 4.5 years. I got it pierced originally in June 2002, after graduation. It was one of those moments where I, being 18 and just 3 months from heading to college, declared to my parents that I was going to get my nose pierced, thank you very much. My dad was not too thrilled about my choice of wording. It doesn't really go over well when an 18 year old child TELLS their paying parents they are going to do anything. I was testing the waters.

Now my dad is usually pretty chill and cool but I love this story because on this particular subject he was not. He gave me the, "Well if you start down this track it's a slippery slope and who knows where you might end up, tattoos, etc." So cute! My dad and I share two favorite movies 1. Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase and 2. Father of the Bride 1 and 2 with Steve Martin. And my dad sounded just like Steve Martin that day. Eventually, after promising my parents I would "think about it" I was given the green light.

I took my sister with me to Jori Zan's and experienced the severe pain of putting jewelry into my nose. It hurt like hell. I have long believed this to be because my nose is practically fake. I had plastic surgery when I was 12 remember? So then in 2005 all of my small group girls started getting their noses pierced and always wanting to be original i rebelled against this growing trend by taking mine out. But now almost 5 years later I still had the scar so I threw my hands up and got it pierced again. I tried for weeks to get my sister to go with me but seriously, my sister is like a greek myth or Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. You want to believe she's real but you never see her, so you start to wonder. So instead of waiting until 2013 I just decided to be a big girl and go on my own.

Jori Zan's is the best place to get pierced ever and Jori is also the nicest person you will ever meet. Her and Summer should be best friends. Jori is the best conversationalist ever and is extremely sincere and kind. She asked me about why and how and when I'd taken it out. I explained I had a pride issue and didn't want to be like my small group girls and she thought leading a group of 5 high school girls was like the most genius, unselfish thing anyone could do, like I was Mother Theresa or something. Then she asked if it was alright to put it back in, I didn't work somewhere where this would be a problem? Nope, I said. Where do you work, she said. Salem Alliance Church. Big smile. No way! Really? So they aren't too conservative. Nope, I said, proudly. I love Jori and I wish I would have invited her to church (talk about 2 slow pitches and she even has a 14 year old daughter) but I chickened out. Dangit.

Anyways this time it didn't hurt at all! BUT the caveat is that I don't like my jewelry much. It's bigger and cheaper looking than my first one which was 14k gold and more round, less flat. But in 60-90 days I'll change it out. So stayed tuned I guess and don't look at my nose until then. :-)

Best flashback ever

Today this genius childhood memory came up and like 4 of us in my wing totally broke into spontaneous song and dance....remember this, church kids?!?!?!

Face Down Worship

If you are a Christ-follower, I have a question for you. I'm wondering when the last time was that you worshiped God face down? This is not a metaphorical question. When was the last time you actually got on your face to offer your worship, surrender your will, ask for forgiveness, petition his throne, seek his face, give him praise?

Last weekend I was at church and the worship was powerful. We were late and stuck towards the back. I was nervous my stomach would growl really loud. I participated in worship, but I had to keep my eyes open for the offering plate and I felt a little self-conscious in our pew, too exposed or something. And honestly, from where I was sitting with about 15 rows ahead of me and a view of the whole sanctuary, the thought crossed my mind, "We don't really believe these words are true. Look at us all just standing here".

Then I went home to watch football and I noticed the 50,000 or more fans cheering their faces off, screaming until their voices were gone, jumping, pumping their fists, faces painted, jerseys on. And I thought, well isn't that something? I know it's not a new metaphor but I found myself thinking, do the Jets and the Patriots and the Broncos get more praise, glory and fame than the One who saved my life from the pit, who redeemed me and gave me a hope and a future? (On Saturday I was running around the couch yelling and clapping and willing the Huskies to beat USC as if it were a battle of good vs. evil). And that's all good fun...

So I'm not saying we have to prove we believe by being especially charismatic in our worship. Humans look at the outside appearance and God sees straight into our hearts. That's good. It's just that, I don't know...We teach baptism is an outward expression of an inward decision. And God says in his Word that the words from our mouth are the overflow of our heart. So it just gets me when I worship so passively and casually. What does it mean?

I see it in the moment sometimes and I just feel too self-conscious to be free. And I apologize to God for that. And some days I just don't care. I do the typical, "I'm not really into church this morning" routine- proof of a hard heart and the existence of pride.

It's just I can't get over this idea that if I REALLY believe God has deep pockets, that he is the Creator and Ruler of everything, that he is control, he is good, he provides me with everything I could ever possibly need, that he really saved me and sustains me and he really has all of the answers and never leaves me, he really could use someone like me, he really is the giver of all of the good gifts in my life. If he really is the only true God, if he really still heals people, if he really manifests his presence, if he really has adventures for me in the deeper life, if he really is all I say he is when I sing to him then what am I doing standing around awkwardly, wondering what people think, what is for lunch...

Upon further reflection, I'm totally cool with weekend worship if that is not the full extent of my worship. If the chorus of voices singing out loudly with some raising their hands and others crying, and still others clapping and swaying side to side brings God delight and praise, then that's all that matters.

But it's not all there is. Not for me anyway. I'm not satisfied there. Corporate worship is godly worship. God loves the church, we're his bride. And he loves his people as unique individuals and I believe he wants us to worship him when we're all alone, when it's just him and us.

Today I was just about to step in the shower after my morning journal writing, Bible reading, coffee drinking and Internet perusing when I had this small little check in my spirit; I wasn't done yet. But, I wanted to get to work extra early. But I wasn't done yet. I had this sense he wanted to meet me. And I needed to meet him. I got downstairs and sensed the nudging to get down on my knees and on my face with my hands laid out, palms open, right there on my kitchen floor. I sensed there was a specific song to play to guide my prayer. Face down, hands open, worshiping and singing,

"Oh Lord bless me and keep me. Cause your face to shine on me. Lord be gracious with the light of your countenance. Give me peace. For I live only to see your face, to shine on me. I live only to see your face, to shine on me. Oh Lord bless me and keep me. Cause your face to shine on me. Lord be gracious with the light of your countenance. Give me peace. Let the light of your face shine down on my heart and let me feel it. Let the light of your face shine down on my heart and let me feel it. I want to feel your love, your presence, God. I live only for you, God. Let your glory shine on me. The favor of your face is what i pray. Just one look from you. Grant me the favor of your face, oh Jesus. It's all I need..."

I don't even like the Beavers...

...but this is sick!!!!